seeing family

My family lives in Holland, except for my parents, one brother and two sisters. My brother here in Canada got married this past weekend. For that reason we had some company come from the Netherlands to help celebrate this wonderful occasion! God has blessed us with a short little week with dear family.
Now they are on their way home, to go back to their own family and children. We had a lovely time together, and now it's over. Gone. Done.
We looked forward to this week of spending time with them for a long time. And enjoyed every minute of it. On Friday my uncle said, we're half way through this week.. I said, 'no, don't remind me' but it was very true. The time flew.
Every time someone comes from Holland this happens. We have to say goodbye. I cry. And life goes on. We all know that anything can happen, which could be that we would never see each other again. But this time it came a little closer. Christ really can come back, even this very minute. And if He does, it wont be the same. It was a really odd feeling I had, and never have had before. I really hope I will be able to go to the Netherlands in not too long, it would be so fun and good to see everyone again.
If I won't be able to go to the Netherlands, and God returns before I have the chance to, then it would be much better!
As sad as this good bye was today, I look forward to seeing all my dear family in Holland again, and all people, either here or when Christ returns!
Until then, God will be with us all. What more could we ask for?!

11 november

~for those who can read Dutch, I figured I could post something I emailed to my Dutch contacts three years ago...~

Tis vandaag 11 november,
3 jaar geleden zijn we op deze dag geemigreerd,
tis een gekke gedachte die ik elk jaar weer bij deze
dag heb. Iedere dag in de weken voor de 11e
komen herinneringen op van de laatste
dag op het ichthus, de laatste keer naar de kerk in
nederland, de laatste keer rond om vrienden en
familie, de laatste maaltijd voor je gaat emigreren,
de laatste..... alles is het laatst.. en nu zijn we op
nieuw begonnen in een nieuw land....

Ook hier waren de eerste dagen, o, dit is de eerste
keer dat ik hier eet, de eerste keer naar de winkel
ga, de eerste keer naar de bibliotheek, de eerste
keer naar de kerk, naar school... de eerste keer...

En nu, na drie jaar zit ik volledig in de dagelijkse
routine van hier, en het is moeilijk om er weer uit te
komen. Iets houd me tegen, het gaat niet meer
zo makkelijk als eerst, om dingen niet aan te laten
wennen, om dingen niet tot gewoonte te maken...
Ik weet niet of jullie snappen wat ik bedoel.. Maar
in de eerste dagen, weken, maanden negeerde ik
al het nieuwe, ik wilde in het nederlandse blijven,
en was te 'ignorant' om het dagelijkse patroon van
hier te volgen..

Het bracht me trouwens nergens, en na een half jaar
ofzo heb ik de knop om moeten zetten, in me zelf....
Best lastig hoor, om dan te zeggen: "ok, ik ga hier
wennen, ik wil integreren, ik wil hier wonen..."want
dat wilde ik niet, nog steeds was mn gedachte in NL,
of iig maakte ik het zo....

Toen gingen we in juli 2005 voor 5 weken naar holland,
echt, ik vond het geweldig, maar het was 10 keer zo
moeilijk om weer afscheid te moeten nemen, om weer
te moeten weg gaan, en dan-voor hoelang? Ik weet nog
dat ik toen we net thuis waren op het aanrecht zat
(kweet t, geen levend vlees op het aanrecht... ;) )
en kwaad was op mn ma, ik was zo boos en werd
echt aggresief.... ja... zo kennen jullie misschien wel,
of juist niet, maar in ieder geval.. ik kon niet uit mn
woorde komen, alles in mn hoofd draaide om nederland
en ik vond het verschrikkelijk om weer in canada verder
te moeten gaan terwijl ik juist weer zo veel leuks gedaan
had in nederland en daar mn draai gevonden had, op
nieuw, om niet meer kwijt te raken.. dacht ik, hoopte ik.

Jammer genoeg moest ik weer aan de gang, en ben toen
bijna gelijk weer naar school gegaan, want de zomer
vakantie was over... Negen maanden gingen voorbij
en weer gingen naar nederland dit keer voor de
50 jarige bruiloft van opa en oma.. Want wie weet,
het ging snel achter uit, met beide, en misschien
was dit de laatste keer om hen in leven te zien.
Een beangstigende gedachte, opa en oma horen in mn
leven, ze zijn er immers altijd geweest, en nu kon het
op eens de laatste keer zijn?? Onbegrijpelijk...

Weer moesten we terug naar Canada, dit keer 1 juni,
en oma van der lee en tante hilde kwamen mee, dat was
goed, afleiding van het feit dat we nederland opnieuw
voor goed verlaten hadden..... of in ieder geval het
zo leek...

In maart 2007 is mn pa naar nederland gegaan, het ging
slechter en slechter met opa.. ik was eigenlijk enorm
jaloers op hem en heb pa toen ook gevraagd of ik de
volgende was om naar nederland te gaan.. Mn pa ging
toen alleen om zijn ouders, en was er dan ook 5
dagen ofzo, vooral om hen....

In mei 2007 ging het heel hard achter uit met opa,
het ging zo slecht dat oom Theo zei dat we maar
beter konden komen, en hotel de botel, daar ging
alles onderste boven... Iedereen moest in zon 3 uur
tijd werk en school af zeggen, tickets gekocht worden,
koffers gepakt, huis schoongemaakt en nog veel meer
dingen geregeld worden, echt van het een op het andere
moment.....

3 juni, geloof ik dat het was, stonden we weer op het vlieg
veld... Het was onbegrijpelijk.. We wisten niet eens of
we op tijd zouden zijn.. Een gestreste sfeer hing om ons, en
toen we ook nog eens 4 uur op london heathrow moesten
wachten begonden de zenuwen te vermeerderen.. Toen
we eindelijk op Schiphol aan gekomen waren stonden
oom jan, tante marijke, oom theo en david ons op te wach-
ten, het was zo goed om weer bij hen te zijn.. hun
te kunnen omhelzen na zo lang....

Daarna op naar opa en oma; schokkend, door het raam
zagen we opa.... Zo onbegrijpelijk, het was opa niet...
het kon opa niet zijn... en het deed ons allemaal zo zeer...
het was niet de man die we in nederland gelaten hadden...
Het was zo sneu, onbegrijpelijk, niet te beschrijven..
Nu nog springen tranen in mn ogen... het deed zo'n zeer,
om opa in zn bed te zien lijden....

De volgende ochtend zouden we weer naar opa en oma
gaan, maar voordat we weg wilde gaan, ging de telefoon.
Opa was overleden, hij was er niet meer, niet meer bij ons,
niet meer levend.....
I dont know what to say for just a moment...
twas echt zo moeilijk, en die dagen leefde we in een roes..
Wat moesten we, we konden niks, opa was er niet meer
hij was er niet meer, en wij moesten verder... of we
wilden of niet...

Ik was bij het sluiten van zijn kist, zo moeilijk, ik zag hoe hij
nu echt, ook lichamelijk afgezonderd werd van de wereld,
voor goed... en toen liepen we de kerk in, een volle kerk,
iederen een in zwart, en opa werd de kerk in gedragen door
mn broers, 2 neven mn pa en mn oom.. Zo mooi, maar het
was het laatste.... "Troost, troost mijn volk...." Jesaja 40:1
Hoe wij die troost nodig hadden... En toen moesten we opa in
de grond stoppen... Associaal onderhand.. hoe kan dat..
Opa hoort bij ons, en niet in de grond.. Hij hoort te leven..
Ik leek wel een klein kind, zo zat ik alles te beargumenteren,
het hielp niks... "nu komt tie nooit meer terug"was alles wat
door mn hoofd raasde... Zo verliet ik de begraven plaats,
ik wilde die gedachte achter laten, daar, maar het ging niet
het werd veel te veel om daar achter te laten, en het werkte
ook niet... Het is met me mee gegaan, die week wat volgde...
Eeen week waarin we ook leuke dingen deden, heel gek
misschien, waarin we weer afscheid moesten nemen.. Nu alleen
maar van oma... want opa was er niet meer.. Zo moeilijk..

Toen we weer in Canada kwamen was het nog veel gekker
het was niet meer werkelijk, als of het een grote grap geweest
was, onze reis naar nederland.. Maar het komt allemaal zo veel
dichterbij, je realiseert je dan pas het verlies.. en je praat met
mensen over hoe het was... nou verschrikkelijk gewoon...
Maar aan de ander kant ook goed, de band die ik nu met mn
familie heb, hier en in nederland is zo veel sterker...

En zo zijn we de zomer in gegaan.. en nu is het winter...
het gras verdordt, de bloem valt af, maar het woord onzes
Gods houdt eeuwig stand... Geweldig toch!!!! Troost, troost..
En dat doet Hij, nog steeds, iedere dag....

School begon weer, serieuzer dan voorheen, want ik heb nog
maar 1.5 jaar en dan heb ik examen gedaan.. dan ben ik klaar
met highschool,, en moet ik verder... Keuzes die ik moet maken
waar ik voor sta en waar ik op een of andere manier bang voor
ben. Tis allemaal nog zo vertrouwd op het moment, waarom moet
ik daar nout ussen uit??

In de laatste 3 jaar heb ik tussen veel dingen uit moeten gaan..
Lastig, ongewild, maar ik moest... en ik ben in die drie jaar een
sterker persoon geworden, ik bedoel ja geestelijk, spiritueel, in
alles. Ik heb mezelf leren kennen, en ik weet nu meer en meer
iedere dag wie ik ben en hoe ik op dingen reageer, wat ik aan kan
en waar ik nijdig van word.. Maar in dit alles is God aan mijn zij
en ik voel Hem, Hij is mij naarbij.... Vol liefde omringt Hij mij..
Hij houdt mijn hand, en draagt me, wanneer het moeilijk is...
Deze laatste drie jaar waren echt zwaar ik geef het toe, maar
in alle dagen droeg God mij, Hij moedigde mij aan, en Hij heeft
me niet op gegeven... Geweldig.....

"De Naam Gods zij geloofd van eeuwigheid tot eeuwighied, want
Zijn is de wijsheid en de kracht. Want Hij verandert de tijden
en stonden; Hij zet de koningen af, en Hij vestigt de koningen;
Hij geeft den wijzen wijsheid, en wetenschap dengenen, die
verstand hebben; Hij openbaart diepe en verborgen dingen;
Hij weet, wat in het duister is, what het licht woont bij Hem.
Ik dank en ik loof U, o God mijner vaderen! omdat Gij mij
wijsheid en kracht gegeven hebt, en mij nu bekend gemaakt
hebt, wat wij van U verzocht hebben, want Ghij hebt ons des
konings zaak bekend gemaakt." Daniel 2 : 20 - 23

Remembrance Day

In Flanders Fields
John McCrae, May 1915

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Fly...

I cannot believe it is mid-October, the past months flew by and now October is half way over too.
I cannot believe how wrapped up I get between work, school, life at home, in church, and all the other things that come with life. Time goes so fast, fast that I didn't even realize how busy I have been.

My first practicum for my college program Educational Assistant started last January (10months ago!! ah) at Gateway Christian School in Red Deer, Alberta. I was there, in grade 5 three mornings a week until the end of March. During that practicum I learned so much, from dealing with pre-teens to teaching French, working with a student with Down Syndrome, teaching ESL to a boy 'fresh from the boat', and doing all kinds of clerical work. Those three months were a time of growth for me. I was molded in those months. And realized that education was the place to be for me.

The month of April was one of finishing courses, finals, and some relaxation. In May I started my second practicum, at the school I now work at. Lacombe Christian School was the school I first went to when I came to Canada in 2004. The staff at this school taught me English, and did an amazing job. During this practicum I was fortunate to work with ESL students again, this time 2 teenage boys from Korea. I learned more about teenagers, ESL, myself, language and the intricate functioning of one's brain. I worked with children in many different grades, met many great teacher, learned from wonderful tutors, interacted with great personalities young and old, and had to opportunity to learn from little minds. This, too was such an amazing experience.

All the while I was looking for a job, and found one as nanny for three children. 12, 8 and 4. The youngest who had a severe hearing impairment. I worked with these children for 2 months, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry, learning some sign language, and being there for the children. It was a challenging yet growing time. I loved it and hated it. Learned so much, and yet so little. Gave so much and received so much. By the end of the two months I was exhausted....

Two days later I had another job. A teaching job :) Yeah me, teaching 7 homeschool children each morning in the middle of summer. I loved it, it was really busy, but I started to understand the mind of a child better. Developed my own strategies and found my self struggle in so many ways. I was also able to put so much of my college education to use, and that was so wonderful. The month of August flew. August was a fast month, full of growth and many blessings. I still miss teaching my 'adopted' siblings.

Before I knew it my first real job would start. I was so blessed to be given a full time position at Lacombe Christian School. I was nervous, not sure what to expect, and not sure how I would be able to live such a 'structured' life from 830 to 330. I started my 'job' and the first month was one full of changes. I found it quite challenging. Is this really my 'position', was a question that ran through my head many times. I'm still not always sure, but love the job I have now. I love the opportunity to learn from and with the young students. Love the opportunity to grow in knowledge and wisdom. Love the opportunity to connect and befriend. Love the interaction and the relationships with many wonderful people. School is in full swing, as if we have never had a break. I don't mind, I found my place in the school, will continue to learn each day, and continue to grow. Who wouldn't want that.
In September I also started a math course. I am doing grade 12 math all over again. It's busy, it's not my favourite subject at all, and I do not like it. It is something I have to do, something I want to do, and something I need to do. Despite all the struggles. I need to pass this class for me, and for perhaps things in the future.

From March until October. SEVEN MONTHS. They flew by. I wonder if the next 7 months will fly by too. But what I don't need to wonder about is that in the next months I will grow, as much or even more than I did in the last. And also that in the last months God provided for me in so many ways, with jobs, with loving people and wonderful learning experiences, with health and strength and a heart of thanksgiving. I am so blessed. And He will continue to do so until He returns!

How great is our God!

autumn

"As long as the earth endures,
seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
day and night will never cease"
~ Genesis 8:22

"for the harvest of the earth is ripe." ~Revelation 14:15d


"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end." ~Ecclesiastes 3:11


"But that which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned. But, beloved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak." ~ Hebrews 6:8-9


"You will be like an oak with fading leaves, like a garden without water" ~ Isaiah 1:30

"The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose." ~Ecclesiastes 1:5

exposure

Around this time last year H1N1 was a big thing. Everyone was freaking out about it. Last year I was in college, among many adults. Now I'm around little children all the time. Now I don't know the facts; don't know if more bacteria live among adults or children. But I know that after a while of being in the same environment and exposed to the same bacteria you become immune to those bacteria, and your body doesn't get sick easily.
Now that school has just started I have been exposed to many different little germs that float around the school. I'm not immune, and being tired or fatigued my body has to work harder on lower levels of energy.

Germs love week bodies! Germs attack and take over the weak and tired body. So here I am, with a box of Kleenex at my side, a water bottle that has been emptied many times today, and several tylenol-cold to help me come through this day. I hope that by having this fierce cold now, on the weekend, I won't have it for very long next week and hopefully become immune to all those germs soon, so that the exposure to the wide variety of bugs won't affect me.
For now, I'll keep sneezing and sniffling, singing songs to the pounding in my head, and being thankful for the fact that I feel like this at home. :)

t-i-r-e-d

I'm just tired..
There must be a better word for tired, and I don't know of any, but that's okay. I'm sure you all know what it is like, to be tired. Tired, because you don't sleep well at night, and are just done. Don't have the energy to do what you should probably have done or do. A jawn interrupts my train of thoughts every so often, and the urge to sleep visits me at the most random times of the day.

Maybe it's the weather; here in Lacombe it has been cloudy, cool, and very rainy during the past couple of days. And not only that, its gray and not summer anymore. I love summer, especially the energy that beams off of the sun. We haven't seen the sun in several days, and that's quite rare here.

Maybe it's starting a new job, and all the things that come hand in hand with that.

Maybe it is being busy, running around all the time.

Maybe it is just me. I do not know what it is, but along with it I haven't really blogged much at all. I'm REALLY trying to change it all, to get a routine, and a good schedule for myself. But before that time comes, who knows when that will be, I don't think you'll find me on here very often...

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint

Isaiah 40:30,31

more change

This month has just started, and already it is a month that will be full of changes. I never really know how to deal with changes. Should I be happy, should I be sad? Should I be disappointed, or excited? Should I be anxious, or enthusiastic?

None of those words really describe how I am feeling now. I'm starting a new job soon, really soon, and it not only makes me feel excited, it also makes me feel scared. Scared of the unknown, scared of meeting and running into me, and not knowing what to do with what I have to face.

Other days I do not feel scared. I feel excited. Ready for this new thing in my life. Ready for my new job, my first job, my first full time position! I feel ready to get started, to teach, to help many people, to share my 'knowledge' with little kids, to give, to love, to be there for who need it. I feel excited to be in a school, for a whole year. Not as a student, but as EA.

Other days I just think of how many things I have learned, not only when I was in college, but also during the times I spent with kids in and outside of school. How will I ever be able to remember all the theories, good strategies, and great tips that can help me.

Today I am not really sure what I am to think of it all. Usually I can kind of describe what I feel, but not today. And that's okay, I believe it will come. Believe that I can do this, not because it's me, but because Christ lives in me and gives me strength!

one more post this month

I had said I would put one more post up this month. Well here it is.

Two families in our church are moving away. Both to Ontario. I do not really know what to think of this. They move because that is what they believe they need to do, not because it is easy for them. They leave many people behind here in Alberta, to find many more people in there new church.

I truly am excited for them. Stand in awe that they take this step. A big leap into the unknown.
I also know that it is hard. Not very long ago, I had to take a big step into the unknown also. But really, when is life not unknown? When in life do we not take big steps?

For me, although I am excited that they are doing, I am sad. Sad because we will be left here. Sad because our church is loosing members, the body is loosing parts. And that hurts. There is a void right now. A place that needs to be filled. That will be filled. Maybe not right away like we think, maybe not with who we think. But it will happen. People will come. The voids will be filled. In His timing. Through Him, the Head of the Church!

1 Corinthians 12:7-24

But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal. 8For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; 9To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit; 10To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues: 11But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will. 12For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. 13For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. 14For the body is not one member, but many. 15If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? 16And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? 17If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? 18But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. 19And if they were all one member, where were the body? 20But now are they many members, yet but one body. 21And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. 22Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: 23And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. 24 For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked.

when things happen

I feel like I have said the title of this post many times. Many times before things happen that make my view on life change. I have had quite the crazy experience yesterday. A thing that happened, and changed my life.

"for I am the LORD that healeth thee." ~ Exodus 15:26

To make a long story short, yesterday morning, at around 620 am the phone rang. I think it is ridiculous when people call us at this crazy hour, but the caller wanted my mam to work a shift in the homecare that day. The phone had rung about four or five times and it was driving me crazy. I quickly got up and was ready to run and pick up the phone. As my left foot touched the ground it gave way and within a matter of seconds I sat on the ground. I wrapped my arms around my leg, because it felt as if there was no leg. Nothing had supported me when I was ready to get the phone, my legs were not ready to stand up. My sister came to me right away and tried to get me up, but it didn't work. She ran to get my mom, meanwhile I was able to hoist myself back on my bed and put my leg up on my desk. I sat in a weird position, with my leg sideways, and then I saw blood on the floor. O no! What had happened. My mom and sister came running down the stairs, and saw the blood. I think it must have scared them. They then traced the blood back to my foot. There was a cut under my pinky toe on my left leg (the leg that wouldn't support me). We had to get to emerge, and quick. As I was getting dressed, I started to feel hot and cold, my lips tingled and felt freezing. I had a hard time breathing normally, and basically my body was in state of shock. My mom called nine-one-one. Not because of the cut I had under my foot, but because of how my body reacted to it. The ambulance came from Red Deer, because the local ambulance was at another call. It took them about 20min. By that time I was feeling fine, had gotten dressed, read a couple of pages in my book, and talking like crazy.
My stomach growled, my throat felt parched, but the person on the 911phone had told mom that I couldn't drink or eat anything.

"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." ~ Genesis 2:7

When the paramedics arrived they asked me many questions, looked at my toe, asked if I could get up, walked beside me and led me upstairs, where they checked my pulse (72), blood pressure (109/78), and glucose level (4.4). They said my glucose level was pretty low, but the rest was good. That made us all think further. I can always eat. I drink tons. I do not loose weight. What if it diabetes, what if I have some sort of disease we never knew about? And what happened to my foot, how did it get cut?
When the paramedics left, I was finally allowed to eat (it was 730, and I felt like I was about to fall over again). After I had some breakfast we went to the hospital, where I was helped just about right away (compared to the last time, read 'the hospital', a post from July). The doctor and nurse took the dressing off and looked in the cut. There was nothing to be found. Then they froze my pinky toe. (My toes are wierd, I'll tell you that. I have inherited the trait of toes diving underneath each other, and it can hurt like crazy because they are permanently bend.) The dr, prior to freezing it, pulled my pinky toe straight (OUCH!), then squeezed it hard and stuck a needle in it. I felt it, it hurt, it burnt, and I felt the solution slowly enter my body. I wasn't supposed to feel the second needle. But sadly, I did feel tat. The same thing happened. After 5 minutes my toe was frozen. I have never felt a 'freezing' before, except at the dentist -once and never again!- and I always thought it wouldn't hurt. But boy was it ever painful. Anyway, then the doctor put two stitches in and a nurse cleaned and wrapped my wound.
We were out of the hospital within an hour! :D My mom and I ran some errands, as I limped and hobbled through town and carefully stepped in the truck. It hurt like crazy. Yesterday I had my leg up all day long, today I didn't. It's my own fault that my foot has been throbbing for the last 5 or 6 hours.
Tomorrow my foot is allowed to get wet! :D Yeah, I getta take a shower. And in 9 days my stitches can come out. I will get my blood work done sometime in the near future. Just to make sure there is nothing seriously wrong. However, the doctor in the hospital said that it isn't rare for people to collapse when they get up too fast after sleeping all night, and that my glucose level was perfectly normal for the state I was in (not having eaten for hours because it was just past 6am), and I do not have to worry about diabetes.
We think that when my leg collapsed my foot landed awkwardly, my toes folded backwards (up), and the skin of my pinky toe stretched so much that it ripped. The cut goes from the side of the foot to about the second (ringfinger) toe, about 1.5cm and is about .5 centimeter deep. It sounds pretty disgusting, and it really is pretty disgusting. And yes it is very painful.

However I just think, when things like this happen, it scares me. I do not know what is wrong with me. Maybe I do have something wrong with me that is quite serious but we do not know about. At least the doctor said it cannot be diabetes because my glucose is too high for that. But who knows. When things like this happen, you learn. I learned that I should not get up so quickly. I learned that I need to wake up slowly and get 'me' ready to set both feet on the floor. I learned that I do not have things in control. I learned that even though I was going to the most normal and routinely thing I am not the one who says I will get out of bed that day, or safely arrive at a destination (the phone). I realized, that it is not me who gives me life, gives me breath, gives me health, strength, and all that I stand in need of. I learned that without God I am nothing. I learned that I can only depend on Him, for every single thing in my life!

"For in him we live, and move, and have our being;" ~ Acts 17:28a

cleaning

I haven't been very active on this blog; therefore I have set a new goal. Get more blog posts up this month then I did in the previous month. I have eight days to write three posts. It got me thinking. What to write, what to write? Initially I thought that I would have an easy time coming up with things to write about. My brain is a continual flow of many thoughts, and I can never stop writing in letters. (I have written over 15 page letters before; wouldn't you like to see a post that long.) However, it is impossible to write for me when I do not have inspiration.

"Everybody needs inspiration." ~Miley Cyrus

You may wonder where and when I get my inspiration. It always depends actually. Sometimes when I am driving a thought pops up in my head of what I can write about. Other times I can not sleep and a blog appears completely written out on my eyelids. Imagine that, it's pretty wierd. As I stare at the ceiling, as I drive the endless miles to work, as I wash the dishes, as I mop kitchen floors and scrub out the sinks. Many times I don't even know what inspired me to write. However most of the times it is the hours I spend cleaning bathroom floors and other places in the house that blog topics or random phrases walk into my train of thought and keep me thinking.

Cleaning is one of my hobbies. It has not always been like that. I used to despise it, perhaps because my mom required me to clean the bathrooms years ago. I clean for other people, I clean our own house, and I often have urges to clean when I am in other places. I am as crazy as wanting to hanging picture frames straight when I am in an office somewhere or dust the shelves in a store. I know, it's pretty nuts, it might creep you out, and don't worry about that, because it creeps me out too at times.
Anyway, as I was cleaning today another thought popped up. Why not blog about cleaning?! I mean I do it just about daily, either in my own house or some other place. It is a regular past time activity of mine, and it gives me lots of time to think. To think about life, about decisions, faith, family, holidays, weather, future, food, reading, who knows what I all think about.

Today it was actually about sin and the cleansing that is offered to sinners.

Even though I enjoy cleaning a lot it sometimes frustrates me. I clean for half my living (sound wierd, I have two different kind of jobs, cleaning and teaching. Cleaning is half my income). ANd do get sick of it at times. It is not that the cleaning itself drives me crazy. It is me that drives me crazy. As I am cleaning my brain thinks,

'really, what is the point of this? As soon as someone showers the shower door is splattered and splashed on again. As soon as someone uses a plate it gets dirty again. As soon as someone touches the doorknob I just cleaned and disinfected, it will be infected and unclean again.'

I then need to come to my senses, call myself back to real life. Whenever those thoughts enter my mind I make them go away. I don't like thinking that way. Why not, you may wonder. Well because it makes me negative. It makes me feel useless, and wonder if I am wasting my time cleaning.
How do I make them go away?
I go back to Christ. He gave us a living example. He washed the feet of the disciples. Not only did He wash their feet, He washed them in complete. The Gospel of John writes about this in chapter 13. Peter asked the Lord, 'dost thou wash my feet?' Peter thinks this is crazy! Why would Christ wash our feet, He is the Master. But Christ responds, 'What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter. If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me'(vs 7,8).

Christ washed the feet of His servants, His children because He knew what was to come. He knew that we need the cleansing power of His blood. He knew that without Him we would never live. We would never be part of His Royal family. Without His cleaning we can not live. He not only died on the cross for us to wash away our sins, but He continues to cleans our sins. Each time He forgives our sins we are washed clean. Completely. Washed in the blood of the Lamb. Christ continues to wash our sin away. He never gets sick of it. He never doesn't want to do it. He does it because He loves us!

When I don't feel like cleaning I pray that the Lord will give me the same joy in cleaning that Christ has when He cleaned/cleans my sins away.

Titus 3:4-6 ~

But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;

writing

"Anyone can become a writer. The trick is staying a writer." ~ Harlan Ellison

I do not think of my self as a writer. Not at all. Yes, I would love to be a writer, to be an author, but believe I am far from that. It is true that I love to write, to put my thoughts down on paper, to let it all go, and then to read it again, who knows when.

"Don't think it, ink it." ~Mark Hansen

Teachers always told me I had to proofread, not someone else's work only, but my own writing also. I find that hard. If I have written something and then have to read it over again, my right hand ring finger automatically goes to the backspace button on my dear keyboard. It is just about impossible for me to read over my own writing just minutes after I have written it. Even if it is a day, or a week later the mistakes are overseen. Now, I know this is a bad thing. Every writer, every student, everyone should be able to read over their own writing and see the mistakes. Well when I do that, I just want to delete it all. I think I have gone crazy, talked on and on about nothing, and no one is interested.


"It's never too late--in fiction or in life--to revise." ~Nancy Thayer

Maybe you have noticed a thousand-and-one spelling mistakes in only one blog, and I am sorry about that. It is because I don't proofread my own writing. Not because I don't believe in proofreading. I do think it is very good to proofread, but not my own stuff. I have proofread many essays and projects for many people over the years, and really enjoy doing it for others. I then do not have the urge to delete it all. I guess my eyes look at other's writing differently then at my own.
Maybe it is because I doubt my own ability. Maybe it is because I think I don't write very well. Maybe it is because I doubt that any one is interested. Maybe it is because I write thinking no one really cares about what I write. Like hello, what good writing can come out of my typing? How do I correct my own writing if I think it is terrible in the first place.
Well that is a bit too the extremes, I don't think my writing is terrible quite yet. (If you think so, please, do tell me!) I know that I make many mistakes, that I do not use the right adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, pronouns, verb tenses and all the other whatnots that belong in a proper sentence. I know I can, and do write, quite crazily. It might be gibberish to you, and sometimes it is to me too.
Now, there is one thing that I can tell you about my writing. If you can follow my writing, you can follow the way I think. If you can understand my writing, you can understand the way I think. Please tell me if you do follow and understand my writing, because I would love to myself.

"There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a pen to write." William Makepeace Thackeray

celeb sibs

A lot of things have been happening this past weekend. All to do with my siblings.


On Saturday the fourteenth it was my older sister's birthday. Helma is four years older than I am and is a great teacher (she claims she is not). From the little things like teaching me how to play dress up and how to take care of our dolls to how to share a room way back in the day. She also gave my my first mask (I think I was 8 or so and my parents thought it was ridiculous). She taught me how to giggle, how to argue, how to keep my mouth shut, and how to talk. She taught me how to listen, how to learn 30 French vocab words in one night when I first entered high school in Holland. She taught me how to be a sisters, how to be a better sister, how to be a loving sister. She taught me how to solve many, many math problems even though she was four years ahead of me. She taught me ow so many things.
When we first moved to Canada I was 13 and she was 17. Boy, was I ever shy, and here comes Helma, my life saver. She was awesome, you know why? I'll tell you! She talked for me. If someone asked how old I was she would tell them, if someone asked where we lived she would tell them. I was like a little child following her mom. I must have driven Helma nuts but eh, it made life a little easier for me.
Helma is the more outgoing type of the two. She is awesome. She talks to everyone. She has always had outgoing jobs. She was always able to have good comebacks (ow she still does by the way), she is able to tell you many many stories, if you just wait long enough. (We shared a room for the first half a year in Canada.) Let's just say many nights we were up for hours, because we first had to do our homework, then go on MSN with the Dutch people (midnight here is 8am there), and then we would just talk... :) lol).
She showed me how to take big steps, like go to college, move out, and do some crazy things all in one (like) week it seemed to me. She was gone and I missed her terribly. That was, let's see, four years ago now? She came back for a while after college, and then got married! I was of course happy for her, but eh, who can I talk to now, late in the night...?
Helm, you know what, I think you should move back in. It is way to quiet around here without you, it's no fun not having my older sister to teach me all the little things only sisters can teach me :( I love you!


Next, on the 15th of August, my big, single, then with girlfriend brother got engaged. Peter and Cindy have been dating for a year I think, and now got engaged! They are going to get married his Winter. I'm pumped. For us. For them. For him. He's so excited. Now who can not get excited when the old bro is excited?! Peter and Cindy, I hope you have tons of fun with your wedding planning, and are looking forward to all that is to come! :D I can't wait for the big day!



A day later, August 16th, was Corne (my second brother) and Erika's fifth anniversary. It is so crazy that it has been five years already! It sure does not seem that way to me. But it is so. Now you oughta know that C+E live in the Netherlands and we do not. Even though they have been married for quite a few years, we have only seen them together as a married couple in real life for about hmm say 6-8 weeks! I know, it's pretty scary. But I know that they're still my bro and sil, that they always will be. No matter where they are, no matter what they do, they will always be my brother and sister in law. They know have my one and only adorable nephew so far! He's super, and hearing all the things over phone and email, its just super. I love them, but
miss the three van Ipertjes in Nederland very much so.


Dear siblings, I think you all deserve to have the name celeb sibs, because you need to be celebrated. Always.

I love you! :D

mom should be home

My mom is in Orlando right now. For a Tupperware meeting/conference. She left this past Monday and won't be back until late Saturday night. It might not seem like something big, and that's what I thought.. She's just gone a couple of days, and will be back sooner then we think. Well that's what my brain was telling me the last week, but now I think a little different.
It's rather boring without a mam around. I mean doing the chores, the laundry,dishes, clean up, I don't really mind doing that.
But coming home to a house that's quiet. To a kitchen where there is no one cooking. To an upstairs where there is no one reading her book. To a home where no one tells you what to do, and you cant really ask how to do stuff either. Well it's crazy, but I even miss the part of being 'bossed' around. I think everyone wishes at one point during their childhood/teenage years that moms weren't there. Just so that we could have the freedom, no one telling us what to do. No one saying how to do it, and no complaints of how we have done it.



For me, I always thought so too. My dad has been gone before, several times actually - to Holland and away for work. I can only remember one time that my mom was gone for more then a day, and that was way back in 2002. I was hmm 11 then, and boy did I miss her. My dad and mom went to Canada for two weeks then and us kids were billeted out to other places, it wasn't so bad really. But now, for the first time in 8 years my mom is gone, for almost a WEEK! wha! I miss her, and I certainly hope she does come back on Saturday. And even more so, doesn't go on a trip for a long time, at least not if it means that we have to be home alone, blagh.
I'll be sure to tell her that though, because I think that is something a mom needs to know, that she's appreciated, loved, and missed when she isn't here.

chaos

It's summer here in Canada, and that means no school. It's great, I love it! The beautiful weather, the days off school, the things you can do during the long days, it's awesome.
My summer has been a busy one, and it is slowly coming to a close. There are many things I had planned to do this summer, but sadly to say, I haven't really gotten to them at all. It seems that I am unorganized. It's a big maze in my head. It's a chaos in my room, in my schedule, in every day. And because it is such a chaos, I cant seem to get stuff done, think straight, keep up with the plans I had, and do the things I should be doing.
There are a couple of weeks left before school starts, and my goal is to get some stuff done, get organized and ready for a new part+start.

choices and changes

I realize that everyone has to make choices, always. I don't about you, but choices confuse me. Choices always come with crazy changes. If I say yes to this, what will happen later, in the next minute, hour, day....and so on. But eh, we gotta make those choices, we gotta face those changes.

But how do we decide? Since I was a little girl I have wanted to become a teacher. To teach children, to share information, gifts, talents, to build and to encourage, to help and support, to give and to be there for the students. What more can you want? Anyway, during my three high school years things went a little different than I had planned. My grades weren't as high as I had hoped, my personal life went whacko, and well, all in all, I wasn't able to go to university. I settled with something else.

Instead of going to university and getting my B.Ed right after high school I decided to go for Educational Assistant at a community college instead. It was not what I wanted, not what I had hoped, and not what I had planned. But it was a choice I made, because I knew I had to do something so that I would at least get a paper of some sort. I knew that if I wouldn't go further after high school I would probably never do a thing, and just work.

Going to college this past year was a choice I made, and it brought many changes. I am now an EA, and although I love the job, the kids, the people, the things I do, it is not what I wanted. It's a thing I did because I had to make a choice. A choice that changed my life.

I have now chosen to work this coming year. Work as an EA for a year, and my plan is to go to university(uni) the year after. It's a choice that will change my life now because of all the experience I get in the school this year. Now my hope is to actually get into uni and not change my mind, or change my plans again.

That's my hope, and my plan though. I don't know if it is the right plan, the right hope, the right choice. I would love to have the choices I should make written out for me. With bullet points or something. However, we all know that's not how life is.

I hate changes, but I know they come with the choices I make. Now this coming year I will have to make some choices. Find out what I want to study in uni, what I want to do with my life. Where I want to go to uni, and... and... and...!

How though? any advice? please tell?!

to my lil' sis'

A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.
~Isadora James~

My little sister is celebrating her 17th birthday today. I can't believe how old she is getting. I know, so am I, but eh, she was always little and younger than I am, and now she is getting older and older :( She'll never be my little sister to whom I read stories, with who I played dress up and house, who I shared a room with for 11 years, and when we had to clean our room it took several weekends because we'd end up playing. She'll never be that little sister whom I could tell what to do. She was always there for me, and we often played together.
We are now the only 2 of 5 kids left in our house. It's boring, I must say since we used to have so many of us. But I am very thankful for my sister; in the last couple of years she has become my friend. I have learned to share with her, to appreciate her, to love her, to ask her questions, to answer her questions, to help her when she needs me, to shop with her, encourage her, to help her with her homework and cleaning her room, to curl her hair, to laugh and cry with her, to dance and sing with her, and most of all to be a friend to her.
I love you my dear lil' sis' and hope that we will continue to make many memories, share laughs and cries, have good and bad days, and recover. I pray that you will always be my little sister, and my friend.

the power of prayer

Pray without ceasing ~ 1 Thes. 5:17

I was having a very sad and grumpy day this past Monday. Just after supper my prayers were answered. I received a call, and got a job! A great job that I'd been hoping for for months (since Christmas time 2009). It was going to work out, or so we thought. However, as the months went by we all realized it wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to help the kids catch up with their school work and I wasn't going to the States anymore. So I found a new job.

Now that job is over, I am no longer a nanny. I was about to start pulling my hair out. What was I gonna do for the month of August? Sit around at home and wait until school starts? yeah, NO. So I was getting kind of grumpy Monday, well actually very grumpy..

And then the phone rang, and I was offered a job. Ten minutes, if even, later I had the job and I started this morning. I'm so excited, I just can't hide it.. But even more so, I am thankful. Thankful that the Lord heard my prayers, and answered them! Even though I didn't think it was going to happen anymore, the Lord made it happen, in His timing. Maybe I had been praying the wrong way, with my own desires in mind. Maybe I was wanting 'me' glory instead of glorifying Him through my work. I don't know, but the Lord chose this time to answer the prayers of multiple people. Not in our timing, but in His.

We have to pray without ceasing, I have to pray without ceasing. And not forget that I have to pray 'not my will, but Thy will be done Oh Lord!'

Oh Happy Day! That I may have a faithful Lord and Father, Who always hears, always listens, and always answers!

Rejoice in the LORD alway, and again I say, Rejoice.

~ Phil. 4:4

little inspiration

Sorry peoples,

I haven't had a whole lot of inspiration in the last few days.
I know I could just write about something, but I dont want to do that.
It's not fun to write blogs about nothing, or something just because
I had to write something. So I will try to get some inspiration again,
so that I can write a worthwhile post in the near future.

For now, I guess you will just have to wait and see while I'm digging
for that inspiration that I need ;)

a la minute

My life has changed. Things change. Over years, months, and even weeks. I don't always understand why things happen. Actually at the time things happen I never understand what the reasoning behind it is. What God's purpose for me is in those certain events. Sometimes it takes only days, other times months or even years before I see what the Lord was teaching me.

Right now I don't know why things had to go this way with my job as nanny. I don't know why or how, but things didn't turn out the way I thought they would. I am now without job, and it wasn't the way I had hoped my job would end. Even though it is hard at the moment. What have I done wrong? Was all the energy and input I gave for nothing? All I did was my best. All I did was what I thought I had to do. All I did was what I knew how to do.

What I know at this minute (a la minute) is that I find it hard. I feel like I failed, like I am failing in many areas of life. What I know at this minute is that I don't know what to do next.

But the pray, to praise God in all situations of life, to trust Him, and be patient. For all things He puts on our path are for His glory and to teach me something.

I guess this is a new start in my life. A new blank sheet that I can start. There are many things I can and want to get done this summer at home and stuff, but it's not the same as having a job. I will see what will happen, and what new start will come. I will keep you all posted on the job 'front'. We'll see when that happens..

emigrating

~ I had to write this for school.. and figured i should share it with you... I wasn't allowed to mention my faith in it, so i didn't.. which was hard, but still it captures a lot of what i felt then, 5 years ago, when i moved to Canada from Holland~

I had never felt so lonely in a place full of people. As long as I remember I had been around people I knew, who loved me, and cared about me. I was happy in the place I lived, and had things planned out for the future, my future. Many of my friends had the same dreams as I did, we all wanted to get out of high school, college and then get rich fast. No parent or teacher could tell us strong-minded teenagers what to do. We know what life was, understood the principles and morals of life, and especially how to be ourselves. That was when I was thirteen, a young and energetic girl with lots of giggly friends and cool ideas. I knew where I was and where I wanted to ‘go’ in the future, as in what I wanted to pursue and accomplish in life. I knew what I wanted. Others had different plans.
My parents were people with great, adventurous, and exciting plans. Or so they thought. To me it seemed that they just did what they wanted, and did not care about others, about me. They seemed to have forgotten about me, my wants, my ‘needs’, and my wishes! That was then. I was thirteen, knew everything, and mostly knew that I did not want to emigrate. But we did anyway, and moved to a lonely country, an ocean to swim across and then miles and miles of land that had to be covered too. An enormous distance that separated me from my loved ones, from my friends, from my life; many kilometers and a day in the airplane which would change my life forever!
It was on November 11, 2004. As I sat in a chair in the huge halls of Chicago airport, my previous excitement vanished. I knew then that I was alone, by myself, and I was to fight through this all. I was the one who had to survive, and had to do it myself. No one could help me with it, and I had the choice of how to do it. I figured the best we to survive was to continually think about my return to the Netherlands, upon my eighteenth birthday, and to never go back to Canada again. I could easily just not connect to people and be isolated from the rest of Canadian society.
Two weeks after our arrival in Alberta I had to face the facts. I had to learn the language, and go to school. Surely I pretended to do my best as I learned English, but wasn’t actually trying that much. I would not need it anyway! It was an easy excuse for me, an option for me not to connect to the strange Canadians and be the true Dutchie as I was.
That is what left me on the lonely side; my ignorance to become more Canadian and learn the language, my stubbornness to connect with people and become part of the culture that exists in this country. I was alone because I didn’t have any friends, didn’t know the language very well at all, and did not make an effort to get any of that. People must have thought that I was very strange and annoying, because I continually asked questions about English and what things meant, but never wanted to do stuff with girls in my class or hang out with people in my church. I was alone and isolated.
No one understood me and no one wanted me. I remember coming home from school and just crying for hours. It happened almost daily. It was a way for me to let out all my emotions, all my frustrations, and inability to communicate. I was alone, alone in my process of becoming used to Canada, to its life style and its people. I was alone in learning the very smallest details of the English language, the concepts of grammar, and the exceptions that came along with all the rules. Alone in finding who I was, what I wanted, and how I would become used to life here. I was alone in so many ways. And yet not alone.
There were students in my class, teacher in my school, ladies in my church, and families in my town, all people who were more than willing and able to help me. They were open to that opportunity of helping others because so many of them had immigrated at a young age themselves. So many had gone through the same things I was going through, and the understood. However, I was unwilling and unable to accept that at that time. I had to learn the hard way that I was not alone, but that it was me who made me alone. It was me who ignored all the signs along the path I took that said, “if you need help, come over here,” and “my house is always open, you’re welcome to come and talk.” It was as if I drove only looking ahead and blinded to the signs and cautions that were put on the side of the road to help me get to the destination. It was as if those signs didn’t exist for me, because I was alone, and no one wanted to help me. It was as if I was alone, because I didn’t want to be together with others, I didn’t want to be accepted and included. If I would have been accepted and included, how would I ever return to the Netherlands? I would have to break up my relationship with Canada like I had done with Holland not too long ago. I would not only have to break up but go through the feelings of a broken heart once again. I just simply could not become involved with and attached to people here. I could not because it would put me in a much more vulnerable spot that I was already in.
I was alone. I was lonely. I was miserable, and unbearable. No one could stand me, my family did not me anymore, and most of all, I didn’t know myself. I did not know who this lonely girl was, because I’d never met her before. I was never alone before, had never experienced not having friends. I had never cried so much and felt so depressed.
And then winter came. It wasn’t just over in a week or two, or maybe a month; instead, it lasted from the end of November until the end of April. It was cold, it was gloomy, it was lonely. No flowers, no birds, no life, no green, no acceptance. I was lonely, and just me, it was my whole entire being; my heart and my soul, that was what was lonely. I was a lonely me, in a place full of people, in a land where everyone is willing to help and to assist, to encourage and listen. My stubborn Dutch nature gave no room for those people to help, because I wanted to coupe with it by my self. I wanted to be alone. Even though it hurt, wasn’t easy, and made me terribly sad.

~I do want to thank everyone who helped me through that time.. all the people who were there for me in the beginning of my life in Canada. Thank them for all their support and encouragement, for their prayers and their love and acceptance. Thank you all for being there for me even though I ignored it, and was too stubborn. Thank you for welcoming me and making me feel at home, here. I also want to thank all those people who came along later on, and also encouraged me, helped, accepted and prayed for me. For all those people who are willing to here and to listen, and to help. I would not have come to this point without you all.. But most of all, I thank the Lord for helping me through the immigration and the time that followed. For giving me strength, energy and courage, and most of all for taking me into Thy family! Now I am not alone any longer, for I am His and He is mine!

Matthew 5

Who hasn't read this chapter of the Bible? Everyone knows the be-attitudes right? I don't remember how many times I have gone through Matthew chapter 5, without really noticing verse 13. "Ye are the salt of the earth but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men." The verse right after says that we are the light of the world.
Sure I have heard that many, many times, that I am to shine my light in the darkness of this world, of the city we live in, the community I work in. But to be salt? However can I be salt?

Salt, it's not that great an ingredient is it?

After hearing a sermon on how to be a salt, and a light at the same time - with the be-attitudes 'in the back of my mind' I realized that I am in the 'perfect' position.
I have a job among 'Gentiles'. I kind of dislike using that word, but it is true. To show love, to show kindness, be truthful, faithful and patient in all things. To fight the good fight of faith, to set an example, as Christian.

I said to my sister, who works the same position as I do, we've got quite the salty position at work eh?! She nodded her head, 'yes we do indeed.'

We both have a calling. I can't say what her calling is. But for myself I know that I have to be more salty. Be a salt, because to the Lord that is sweet smelling, because salt has the power to preserve, and because of the permanence of Christ's sacrifice.

I have a calling to be a witness, and to set a pure, good example. Not as one who is with the world because then our testimony means nothing. We are to be a true witness. Wherever we are, whenever we have the opportunity to witness in word and deed. Not for our glory, but for the glory of God!

I pray that I may be a salty salt, with lots of savour. And that we all may be salty, because the Lord asks us to witness, to be a city upon a hill side that cannot be hid.

the hospital

This past January I broke my left wrist, and spent many hours in the hospital.

Today, while working out, I twisted my right foot. Again I spent many hours in the same hospital. In the emergency room. As I got there, an ambulance arrived, and another and another. I told the RN it was okay that I'd to wait a bit. You know, those people that came in with the ambulance (3 in total), were probably in a far worse state than I was.
Little did I know when I said that, that would be spending more than 4hours in the emergency unit of the Lacombe hospital. The waiting room was full, for about two hours with the same people. Everyone was bored, hungry (it was supper time), and starting to get just a little bit impatient. So was I.

You know, I always thought I had patience. But first 2 hours in the waiting room. Finally I was allowed to go to an examining room. I sat on the bed. Lied down. Sat up. Read some fast car magazine. You know, read every word on every single machine, sign, poster that was in the room. Looking at the ceiling, counting the tiles. Well sorry, but how many things can you do while waiting for a smart man to come in who can tell you what is wrong.How many things can you do in an empty examining room, where someone on the other side of the curtain is breathing as if he just ran a marathon, or something like that? How many things can you do to entertain yourself while you're just frustrated with yourself for being clumpsy and always hurting myself! Grr.

I knew where it hurt, knew what I had to do, where I had to press for my foot to hurt more. Knew that I wanted to get help. But eh, the doctors have to eat too, Ill have to wait for that.
Then another RN tells me I can go to the X-ray waiting area. Okay, so I wheel the wheelchair over there (yes I cant really walk well at all), and drove circles around the waiting area. (I know know what it is like to drive a wheelchair around ;) I know it's quite the experience!) Finally the technician came (she didn't have supper yet either, and it was 8 o'clock. At least we were in the same boat in this matter). Got a bunch of pictures taken of my foot. (For some reason I am never allowed to see the pictures of my own broken body! I can never see how cool an X-ray looks. I remember back when my siblings broke their limps they even got to take their pictures home! Its no fair).



Back to the bed I went.. Wait for another long time, and find that there is nothing wrong with my foot.
Just weak ligaments. Get some physiotherapy if isn't improving too much. Keep the leg elevated,
take it easy for a bit. Oh and you can go home (AFTER FOUR HOURS! YEAH)

I know I shouldn't complain. Shouldn't complain about the four hours I spent in the hospital. Shouldn't complain about the slowness of the doctors. The easygoing pace of the RNs that slowly stroll the halls towards the next patient. I know I shouldn't complain about any of it. (Sorry to all those RNs, Doctors and other nurses, technicians, and all that work in the emergency rooms, I'm not trying to offend you, not mad at you.)
I'm just frustrated. You know, for hours in the Hospital, finding out that nothing is wrong. Talking for a max of 5minutes to a 3rd yr premed student(with the Doctor in the background), an icepack, and 6 pictures I cant even see, and then finding out nothing is wrong.

I'm thankful for that. For the Doctors, nurses, technicians and all those people who want to work in the health system. I am thankful for those men and women that put their life on the line as paramedics, firefighters, and other services. Thankful for the wisdom, the intelligence many of them have! Thankful that I didn't break my foot (I even had decided what colour of cast Id get next!) Thankful for all I do have!

If only the things in an emergency unit could speed up about, umm, 10 to 30 times! Then I'd be really thankful, and pleased with the services in the hospital. Right now it's kind of iffy. Sorry guys.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." ~Romans 12:12

bed time

It's far past ten o'clock and I should actually be in bed. Many of the nights have been later than I would like them to be, and just about every morning I wake up before 7am. I love the part that I wake up early, even without an alarm clock. I never have that in the winter, (that long lasting season) because I can never get out of bed. (For some silly reason there were many times during the winter months that I slept through my alarms!! It's terrible I know.)
I love summer for that, all of it sudden I CAN wake up before the day starts. I can get up when the first number on the alarm clock is still a 6. (yes 6.58 still starts with a six!!) I love it that when I wake up the sun shines, the birds whistle, and I'm just done sleeping. My body says, 'get me out of bed!' So then I just go, I mean, who wants to argue with their body.
But at night, no way! I ain't getting into bed. I'm up and running around until I finally hit the pillow, but will still be awake for a while (sometimes hours, because I tend to read books for longer periods of time). I love that it is still light when it is ten or eleven at night. I love it that I can feel the cool breeze through my open window, and not have to wear mittens when I sit by my desk because otherwise my fingers freeze off (as I do from October until March). I love it that I can run around until the wee hours, even though my eyes tell me that they need to be shut. I love that I can sit up because I just feel like sitting up because I don't want to go to bed! (Who goes to bed when the sun is still up, or when the sky is still blue, anyway?!?!) I love it that when I look out my window the tree is black and the background is light. I love it that when I go to bed, the light does have to go on, just because I want it to be on, not because I wouldn't be able to see if it was out.
I just love summer, except for the fact that for some silly reason I still don't get enough sleep. Now who could tell me why that is?

casting

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7

Casting, means to throw or to hurl.. All those cares we are to throw from us,
upon Christ, upon the Living God and Father. He came to love, to safe, because
he cares!

friends

When I moved to Canada, with my family, at age 13, I left many friends, family and other loved ones behind. Being thirteen, a typical teenager, and stubborn, I was very unhappy with the choice my parents made. Especially because my friends were everything. Now, after years, I only have contact with a few of the friends I had when I was in grade eight before we moved.



And yet, those that I do keep in contact with, and have kept in contact with for the six (long) years that I lived here, are very dear to me. Those people, those very special individuals have made my time here in Canada, especially in the first few months, easier to go through. I knew that they still cared for me even though I lived many many miles from them. I knew then, what I know now, that friends are friends forever when the Lord is the Lord of them!



But I even have friends here, that I don't see to often. Or friends that have moved away since I met them. I have had friends that I lost over the years, both here and in Canada. But when those friends call, contact you in some way shape or form, there is a bond that always existed. That bond is then 'restored', reconnected, re-energized.

I never want to loose those friendships. But that is not something I can control. Sure I can do whatever I can, from my side, give it a 150%, but if it is only coming from one side the friendship will sink. However, if both parties, both friends themselves to each other, if they care for each other, and if they are dedicated, devoted I think it does work. I think that whatever friendship you have, if you and the other party are completely there and make an extreme effort to keep the friendship going, it will remain, over many, many years

This song came up as I was writing it. During the first few years in Canada I listened to it often. And even now I still do.

FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS FOREVER - MICHAEL W. SMITH

"Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
I can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you live in
Is the strength that now you show

We'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends(2x)

To live as friends

Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

No a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends"

The phrase, 'friends are friends forever, when the Lord is the Lord of them,' often comes to mind. When I'm on the phone with friends or family. When I read their emails and letters, or when I write them. When I'm afraid of loosing them, or other friends that I have now and might move away, will move away.



The Lord has kept friendships I had in the past alive, and they still exist now! I am so blessed with many friends, but when I receive calls from friends far away, I feel a special touch, as if God tells me, 'I'm here for you, and will bless you with friends, no matter when, no matter where.'

I miss you my friends!
:)

nineteen

I believe it has been a tradition for years in our family.
Whenever a birthday comes, we read a Psalm number that matches
the age the person turned. So here it was on Friday, Psalm
19, read for me :)


Psalm 19 (KJV)

1The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.
2Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge.
3There is no speech nor language, where their voice is not heard.
4Their line is gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun,
5Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
6His going forth is from the end of the heaven, and his circuit unto the ends of it: and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.
7The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.
10More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward.
12Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults.
13Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.
14Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Where will we go?

It has been quite the experience, being a nanny. In an non-Christian home.
I guess I have been pretty sheltered, or am just not used to things that go on in the world. Sure, when I went to college I met many girls that didn't believe, many people that just lived for themselves, or believed in a higher power, but had no idea what that even meant.
Now I am a nanny. In a household where there is no faith, there is no dependence on God, there is no trust in the Lord. I find this very trying. It is opening my eyes, and it making me think. It is making me question things that perhaps I shouldn't question, or perhaps I should have questioned many times ago. Questions that the family asks me, that I have never even thought about..

You know, as you turn a year older, you wonder what will happen this new year. What joys will we be able to celebrate? What barriers to face? What roads and paths to walk? What will happen, really today, tomorrow, or years from now? No one knows, except One who is All, in all, and with us always. What if you don't believe there is a God? What if you believe that you are in control? Then where will you go? With questions, fears, and through trials? Then where will you go, when things get 'out of control'?

How sad it is to see, to see the family I work for struggle, and look to mankind for help. They cry out and complain, but to men. What can men do, when God is in control of all things, in heaven and on earth? Where can they go, when men leave them, and they are left alone? What can they do, when men fail to help or haven't helped enough. No where but to themselves.

'I live for myself and for my kids. Why else would I alive, to live for the world-yeah right, I ain't helping people that make my life a pain, that put me in danger, and that don't believe in me. I ain't living to be a good girl, but to have fun in life, bring up my kids so that they have fun and can enjoy there lives.'

How that makes me wonder, cringe, cry. What life, what hope do you have? Where will we go then, when we think that way?

Instead I told her what I believe. That I believe God gave us all a purpose, that He created us for His glory, for His honour and for His will! That He is in control over my life, and that we can depend on him, that we may go to Him when we face trials and temptations, when we struggle, or are unsure about what way to turn. That He is here for us, any time of day, night, and for all of us. That I live for God, and my desire is to glorify Him, that is what makes me happy, that is what I live for, that is what gives me a contentment, that is what gives me peace. He ALONE is the Creator and Sustainer of life. We can not control what will happen to us, to our loved ones, our kids, our family and friends. We can not control what will happen today, tomorrow or next year. But there is one who can, and will, and shall, when we are in need. Even when we face death provide us with everlasting life, if we only believe in Him! (Psalm 68 - Dutch)

I think all people have many questions, about where we will go, after this life. Where we will go, and where we believe in. But not to have the comfort of God, what a sad life one must live. What hope is there then? What comfort, what peace?

Where will we go? Where will I go? Where will you go?