~don't worry~

I'm a worrier. Not a warier, but a worrier. I know. I am. I worry too much. And it drives me crazy.

Just the other day I was thinking about what to do with my life. More like what to do with my life after this semester is over. More like where to work this summer. No I do not know where I will be working this summer. I do not know how I am going to get this or a job. That's a weird feeling. It's odd. I am not worried though. That has never - ever - happened! I am always worried, how come not now?!?!

What is going on? Even while thinking about next year, about next semester which starts come September, I was/am not worried. I thought for the longest time that maybe I wasn't supposed to go to Redeemer next semester. Maybe I should apply to another university. So I applied. I was kind of really confused as to where God was calling  me. But not worried. What? not worried? That's right. Not worried. I agree, the decision was difficult, first I had to choose if I should apply somewhere else, then if I did to which university I should apply. So I applied to university of Calgary. A great university I'm sure. I got accepted into both (I applied to two different undergrad programs) programs I applied to. It was great; I was accepted. Now I have decided to deny the offer of acceptance as they call it in fancy terms. That too was a hard decision to make. However, not near as hard as choosing to apply or not. So I denied their offer of acceptance. And I wasn't worried.. AHH! What was going on, why was I not worried? What was I doing wrong, I had never not been worried before?

Suddenly, just today while on the phone with a friend, I realized. It is God who gives me peace, who takes the worry from me. I had been able to put this whole application to Calgary process into His hands. Yes it was freaky, and I was scared like who knows what. But God helped me through this time of fear, and through the encouragement of many others around me, those far away and close by, I was led to Him. I was led and reminded to lay all my cares at His feet, and to trust that He will help me and take care of me. It wasn't easy, it was actually very difficult to trust Him and to let it go. And yes I was worried. Why? Because I, ME, likes to be in control. I like to control what I want to do. This time I wasn't in control, wasn't the one to rule this situation. (Wait, am I ever?) That's the weird part. I said before that it wasn't easy, but at the same time it was for that reason that why it was easy. In the whole process God has given me peace. It's strange I must say. I have never experienced peace like this before.

Telling my family that I am going to stay here for another year was difficult. I live far from my family and that is  not always easy. I would love to live closer to them, and they'd love to have me closer I am sure. However, that is not where God is calling me. He is not calling me to live in Alberta, He is not calling me to live in Calgary or to go to University there. He is calling me to go to Redeemer, to stay in Ancaster, to stay in Ontario. It is freaky to hear a calling that clearly. It is really freaky. It is freaky because it was so clearly confirmed to me like never before that I should stay here. (Questions and doubts soon came to me. Really does God call me? Why would He call me? Why was it so clear?) The confirmation God gave me was amazing; amazing as it came through a sense of peace. This sense of peace came over me, it washed over me, and gave me rest. Peace of mind, peace in my soul. It restored my soul. My whole being felt at peace, and I know that only the Prince of Peace can grant such peace which surpasses all my understanding.

Now, I am still unsure as to where to work this summer, and my summer is only 2.5 weeks away, it is a bit scary. However, I am not worried and I am at peace. I know that because God showed me the way and showed me where He desires me to be next semester, He opened this door to stay at Redeemer, He will keep this door open, and help me walk through it. He will make a way, where there seems to be no way. He will provide for me even though I do not understand how or when or through what means. I know He will provide, always, for those who are His children.

Who am I to say no, to not trust and not belief? Who am I to doubt? Who am I to not have faith in Him who cares even for the birdies and the insects, and they don't worry - so why should I?

Yes worry would be the most natural emotion (is it an emotion) to come over me, but it is not. Peace it what fills me. Peace it what washes over me. Not because of me, not because I understand this peace, but because the Prince of Peace lives in me, and He will provide! :D

That's why I am not worried....! 

And I feel fine! (Actually - I feel better than ever!)

GOD IS GOOD!

If you like here is a link to why I believe God led me here...