time's running out...

I only fear that I don't have enough time left
To tell the world that there's no time left

~Forgive Me - Group 1 Crew~

This fall Megan, one of the beautiful people in my dorm this year, gave me a CD she put together with the song Forgive Me on it. This song has really touched me in the last while especially. 

I am not afraid because God is holding my breath, but knowing that time is running out, knowing that the world will end soon and awaiting Christ's return, makes me fear that I have not enough time to tell the world that Christ wants to be found. Now. And I can be part of this witnessing, this Gospel work, this commission Christ called me too. I have the privilege to work in His Kingdom in more ways then one, and I often take them for granted, think very lightly of them.

I just want to go big, or go home. I want to go places very far away and do very big things. Like safe the world or something. But that's not really where I am called to right now. Perhaps later. Who knows. I am thankful though for the opportunities that I do have right now. God has given me an awesome opportunity here everyday of my life. To live. For Him. In all things to glorify Him. I have this wonderful position to be involved in the lives of many. And not only that, but to grow in so many ways through walking alongside people, and even more so walking with Jesus. He has walked with me in these last 8 months. Every.single.step. He was there! O wow! He led me every step of the way, and now I am here. Not the same person as 8 months ago. Grown so much. Learned so much. Stretched so much. And given so much. I have been so blessed! I don't even know where to start. Yet must remember to in all things thank Him. For His work and His love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and faithfulness towards me. I have been so blessed, and so often I complain. I find this hard.

How do I work in His Kingdom, how do I say I glorify Him all I do, while I complain? Sin? Don't trust? Get angry?

How does God give me the blessing and works in me again and again so that I dont have to be afraid? God has blessed me and made me grow, changed me and worked in me in so many ways, and why? Because He loves me!

Next school year, DV, I have the opportunity to work in the school among students, with students and for students, in God's Kingdom. I am so pumped.... and so very thankful that the Lord has put this on my path and led me here. I am so thankful that the Lord has given me this opportunity and a way in which I can learn, grow, and love Him, glorifying Him in all I do.

Remembering that time is running out, is scary. Especially since this semester is running out so quickly. Two exams left, and then going home. I am so excited. And yet it's weird. Time is running out here. My first year at Redeemer, 2nd year of post-secondary is done just about. Time is running out with people here, as some are leaving Redeemer for good. Time is running out. Not just at Redeemer. But for us in life.

We must remember, and live as if every day is our last. To the fullest! All for Him and for His glory. Witnessing and preaching to all nations, telling the world that there is no time left...!

Lord I don't know what I'm struggling for
There's go to be more
Than this life I know
But still I'm here fighting to never give up
I find strength in Your love
And You will see me through

~ Forgive Me - Group 1 Crew ~

YOU! GRR! (ME! GRR!)

I love being a student. 

I love doing projects.

I love learning material.

I love getting As.

I don't want to do it.

I don't feel like doing it.

I'm not in the mood.

I'm too lazy.

That is basically my story.
I have been in school for so long. Even with a year break while working. Every time again, as the last weeks come closer and I am almost done for the year I am sick and tired of working. Of learning. Of doing projects.

At those times I find whatever can distract me. That often involves some electronic device, like my cell phone or my laptop. Often it involves a website, or two, or three, or several windows with as many tabs as possible all open, and going back and forth. Often it involves social networking sites. I KEEP GOING BACK TO THOSE! :( It makes me sad and frustrates me. Every time again, when I am checking my Newsfeed and there is no Newsfeed I click away. Every time I want there to be a Newsfeed I check again. I sit there, clicking back and forth between pages. I check many pictures on Facebook. Look on your wall to see if there is something I can comment on, wait for you to change your status so that I can 'like' it. And OFTEN I GET ANNOYED. WITH MYSELF. WITH YOU! Because you are the one that is updating 24/7, or you're the one who doesn't update at all. I get annoyed with you because you are the one that keeps changing things that I have to check out, and because you have about a 20 albums full of pictures which I have to creep, of course, that is how I get to waste my time....

OKAY.. that was a major confession....!

Oh and wait. I update my own status a million times. With new silly goals. And post in groups to see if people have something to say.

It really isn't YOU whom I am getting annoyed with. I get annoyed with my attitude, with how I deal with things, and how dumb I am to procrastinate 24/7. Until the due date, until I have to rush through projects and hope that I get a decent mark. I get annoyed with me, every single time. And do not know how to fix it.

GET RID OF FACEBOOK PERHAPS!?

I'll find something else to spend time on, like Pinterest, or email, or blog, or organizing pictures, or cool websites, cool blogs, or a good book. I could write you a card or do my laundry, I could clean my room or wash the dishes. I could go work out or go for a walk. I could just sit around and talk to people. My homework will come another time, another minute, it won't run away from me.

Homework... I suck at doing homework.

can't I just do it later?!

And even after 16+ years of schooling I don't know how to do it!!!

Sad face :(

Maybe the title of this post should read....

ME! GRR! Okay... - I'll add it, in parentheses that is, so that I don't look so bad perhaps...)
Now, I really got to do some homework. I have half an hour until Starbucks closes; I can do 30 minutes of solid homework, after 2+ hrs of procrastination...!

~don't worry~

I'm a worrier. Not a warier, but a worrier. I know. I am. I worry too much. And it drives me crazy.

Just the other day I was thinking about what to do with my life. More like what to do with my life after this semester is over. More like where to work this summer. No I do not know where I will be working this summer. I do not know how I am going to get this or a job. That's a weird feeling. It's odd. I am not worried though. That has never - ever - happened! I am always worried, how come not now?!?!

What is going on? Even while thinking about next year, about next semester which starts come September, I was/am not worried. I thought for the longest time that maybe I wasn't supposed to go to Redeemer next semester. Maybe I should apply to another university. So I applied. I was kind of really confused as to where God was calling  me. But not worried. What? not worried? That's right. Not worried. I agree, the decision was difficult, first I had to choose if I should apply somewhere else, then if I did to which university I should apply. So I applied to university of Calgary. A great university I'm sure. I got accepted into both (I applied to two different undergrad programs) programs I applied to. It was great; I was accepted. Now I have decided to deny the offer of acceptance as they call it in fancy terms. That too was a hard decision to make. However, not near as hard as choosing to apply or not. So I denied their offer of acceptance. And I wasn't worried.. AHH! What was going on, why was I not worried? What was I doing wrong, I had never not been worried before?

Suddenly, just today while on the phone with a friend, I realized. It is God who gives me peace, who takes the worry from me. I had been able to put this whole application to Calgary process into His hands. Yes it was freaky, and I was scared like who knows what. But God helped me through this time of fear, and through the encouragement of many others around me, those far away and close by, I was led to Him. I was led and reminded to lay all my cares at His feet, and to trust that He will help me and take care of me. It wasn't easy, it was actually very difficult to trust Him and to let it go. And yes I was worried. Why? Because I, ME, likes to be in control. I like to control what I want to do. This time I wasn't in control, wasn't the one to rule this situation. (Wait, am I ever?) That's the weird part. I said before that it wasn't easy, but at the same time it was for that reason that why it was easy. In the whole process God has given me peace. It's strange I must say. I have never experienced peace like this before.

Telling my family that I am going to stay here for another year was difficult. I live far from my family and that is  not always easy. I would love to live closer to them, and they'd love to have me closer I am sure. However, that is not where God is calling me. He is not calling me to live in Alberta, He is not calling me to live in Calgary or to go to University there. He is calling me to go to Redeemer, to stay in Ancaster, to stay in Ontario. It is freaky to hear a calling that clearly. It is really freaky. It is freaky because it was so clearly confirmed to me like never before that I should stay here. (Questions and doubts soon came to me. Really does God call me? Why would He call me? Why was it so clear?) The confirmation God gave me was amazing; amazing as it came through a sense of peace. This sense of peace came over me, it washed over me, and gave me rest. Peace of mind, peace in my soul. It restored my soul. My whole being felt at peace, and I know that only the Prince of Peace can grant such peace which surpasses all my understanding.

Now, I am still unsure as to where to work this summer, and my summer is only 2.5 weeks away, it is a bit scary. However, I am not worried and I am at peace. I know that because God showed me the way and showed me where He desires me to be next semester, He opened this door to stay at Redeemer, He will keep this door open, and help me walk through it. He will make a way, where there seems to be no way. He will provide for me even though I do not understand how or when or through what means. I know He will provide, always, for those who are His children.

Who am I to say no, to not trust and not belief? Who am I to doubt? Who am I to not have faith in Him who cares even for the birdies and the insects, and they don't worry - so why should I?

Yes worry would be the most natural emotion (is it an emotion) to come over me, but it is not. Peace it what fills me. Peace it what washes over me. Not because of me, not because I understand this peace, but because the Prince of Peace lives in me, and He will provide! :D

That's why I am not worried....! 

And I feel fine! (Actually - I feel better than ever!)

GOD IS GOOD!

If you like here is a link to why I believe God led me here...

spring

It's truly Spring here. It has been for a while. But I always forget to share it with  you all. Also, in Alberta we were so often teased with Spring like weather to be surprised with another dump of snow. So I was unbelieving and didn't think Spring was actually here, so early, in the Eastern part of this country. It's beautiful. I LOVE sitting outdoors, with the sun shining and just chilling. I love just having a picnic on the green grass. I love seeing blossom and trees who start getting pretty fresh limegreen leaves. I love spring.

And now it is Easter weekend too. And Im sitting outside!

Yesterday I went to the Devil's Punch Bowl. Recommend it. Look over the city from the escarpment, with a cross lit up and the waterfall. Its gorgeous. Go there.

It was very fitting. As the cross stood on that hill in the distance I thought of the many songs talking about the cross. Good Friday. Christ died on the Cross.
The cross overlooks the city. Where so many people dwell. Where so many people who don't know Jesus live. And yet Jesus died for those people too. He died for us all. He died out of love for us. On the best Friday ever! He died for me too. And therefore I may live...

Also... I got to share this great experience with friends, with brothers and sisters. Brothers and sisters I just met, and who are my family. Because we all have the same Father. What greater days can we have, than be with family praising God while in nature...!

GOD IS SO GOOD!

Grace

Benediction

Timothy James Meaney

My friends may you grow in grace,

And in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour

My friends may you grow in grace,

And in the knowledge of Jesus Christ

Now and forever, Amen

To God be the glory, Now and forever,

To God be the glory, Now and forever,

Now and forever, Amen

I pray tonight if we learned

From one another, may we glorify Him.

And if the Lord should bring us

Back together, may we be in His arms till then.

To God be the glory, Now and forever,

Now and forever, Amen

To God be the glory, Now and forever,

Now and forever, Amen

I Have Decided To Follow Jesus

There is no other explanation. I knew I could do nothing else. But to follow Jesus. In all areas of my life. Including in the most tough decisions I am to follow where Jesus leads me! I can't wait what He has planned next :D