extra-ordinary

“It’s the invitation to actually live, to fully participate in this amazing life. […] I've seen
plenty of people turn down an invitation to fully live.” (Goff, 80)

My room-mate has shared some wonderful quotes from the book she is reading, Love Does by Bob Goff. In the chapter, There Is Room, Goff describes how we decline the invitation of living a full life in Christ; we continue to take pleasure in the things we have without fully enjoying them and meanwhile completely ignoring and denying God. “Turning down this invitation… looks like numbing yourself or distracting yourself or seeing something really beautiful as normal.” I think that is the problem when we do not savour. When we just let things ‘roll over’ us and accept them without seeing the beauty. In fact, as Goff says on the same page, “we get head-faked into thinking we haven’t really been invited. But you see, we have been invited – every day, all over again” (80). When we accept the invitation to enjoy life we will become closer to God and fall more in love; we will joy in the small things and become happy.

                Just like Goff, Thornton Wilder says “My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” Lyubomirsky opens her 'savouring' happiness activity with this quote, and I believe it is very true. At times it is good to just be still and enjoy what we have been given. To savour what we have, or had, or are going to have and enjoy it. Let that joy wash over us and make us happy. But the problem is that we rarely take the time to live in the present and savour it. I believe that it is effective to savour.

                Just before writing this response I made myself some time. I sat here at my desk just before this thinking how lovely a cup of tea would be. I boiled the water and picked the type of tea. I brewed and brought the cup of hot tea to my room. Just the smell,oh the smell of my mint truffle tea made me happy inside. Then feeling the steam and the warmth of the cup; it too made me happy. Had I not been doing this savouring exercise I would not have realized how I can let a cup of hot tea make me happy. Throughout this week I allowed the ordinary things to become extraordinary, to savour them and reflect on them. I saw a bright pink sky early this morning while eating my breakfast. No one else was up and I was given the gift of savouring a glimpse of the sunrise. What a great start to the day. This past Friday I was walking to the main office at Redeemer before 8 in the morning, where I work each day. I was happy to be there, walking and rejoicing that it was Friday; the line from a song came to mind, ‘it’s good to be alive…’ A coffee date or hanging out with friends this weekend overwhelmed me with joy, how blessed am I to have friends! It’s the little things that get me, where I can fully savour through enjoyment and realization. Gratitude and awe wash over me as I realize God’s constant faithfulness and love towards me.

                I had other moments, when I didn't savour. I had dessert and wolf it down because it was so yummy, but I hardly even tasted it because I ate so quickly. Or I wake in up and go through the motions, hardly giving my body time to realize how good it is to be alive, to live, and to be; how beautiful it is and what a blessing that I may accept the invitation to joy in the new day. It is those moments that I realize how the beauty passes before me and I see it as normal; I expect it to be there.

                This exercise made me realize that if I savour more I also see God more. When I allow myself to see God in the small things of like, like that cup of tea or walking to work, I believe that I am more likely to see God in the big things too. But if I don't allow myself to see God in the ordinary, I am more prone to not allow myself to see Him in the extraordinary. The Westminster Shorter Catechism states that my calling is to “is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” Through savouring I can glorify God and enjoy Him, through which I may experience true happiness. Savour than each moment, and rejoice in the Lord always, no matter the circumstance (Phil. 4). 

another month

I continually stand amazed, along with many others I am sure, at how fast the months fly by.
January too, has passed. I can't believe it. Just cannot even grasp how quickly the past 30 or so days have gone by. So much has changed. So much learned. So much challenged. And it just keeps on going. Unbelievable. But good. Thank goodness for time as it passes. Lets embrace it. make the best of it. live. enjoying.

things change

It's weird when you move away from family. Things change. When you choose to move. Things change. When you choose because that's where God's leading  you.Things change. It's weird to move away from family, and then to 'visit'. Things change. It's weird because home isn't as it used to be. And where I choose to move, this province, isn't what home is. Home is totally 'new' to me. Home gets a different meaning all the time.
Home isn't where I live. Home isn't where I spend every day. Home isn't my house, my room, my place. Home is where I feel at home. And that home is where I love to be. Wherever that is.
Where my family is.... that will always be a special place...

2013. with him

I find the New Year's celebrations a bit overrated.
Each day we start a new day. Each day is a day full of new opportunity, new resolutions, new challenges, new experiences, new relations. Each day is a new day and we gotta make the best of every one of them. A while ago someone told me they would want to know 'ahead' that they were dying so that they could do some fun things before they'd actually day - do before you die - type things. I believe we should live every day to the fullest. Live every day like it's our last. Live every day fully surrendering to God, trusting Him with our live, and seeking His will and purpose. Living each and every day for Him, because He makes life, gives life, and is alive. Always.

To live each day to the fullest and continue the wonderful journey that God has planned for me is my plan. I hope. I search. I walk. With Him.
Living one day at a time and entrusting it all to Him...

grow. stretch. hope. seek. live.

oma.

My oma passed away yesterday. Far from family I try and deal with this. I try and give it a place. To work it all through. Its difficult. Grieving is hard. Death is part of life. The end and a new beginning.

In His joy I may be strengthened. In His provision I may be satisfied. In His love I may be wrapped. In His Light I may see. In His arms I may rest. In His grace I may trust. In His gifts I may be encouraged. In His promises I may be lifted up. In His forgiveness I may be made clean. In His blood I may be washed. In His purity I am made white. In His comfort my tears are wiped away. In His Word I may find hope. In his kindness I may experience love. In His peace I may be at peace. In In His hands I am made whole. In Him I live, I’m made alive. I am convicted of this with a conviction that only God provides, and this gives me courage. To go through each day, as I learn more who He is I learn more of who I am and how I may serve Him. All the days of my life; until He returns, or calls me home. I can only imagine what that will be like, but I know I will live and die though and in Him alone. Forever.
                As I ponder these things I realize that through different situations I may experience God in different ways and be convicted of different things. As my oma just passed away yesterday I am struggling, I feel very alone and confused. The distance between my family and I is now so great. Homesickness sets in big time. It’s difficult to focus. And yet I feel the communion of the saints. People I don’t even know have offered their condolences. People across the globe pray for us and I feel lifted up by these prayers. I feel God’s hand comforting me, and at the same time I feel an emptiness, a void. God fills me up and provides for me and yet I feel so broken. So fragile and confused.

My oma. A woman of God. So blessed to have known her. But how I will miss her. 

She's now with Jesus. There's no place she'd rather be. 

...

Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.Therefore encourage one another with these words.
1 Thes. 4 :17,18

Morning by Morning - CH Spurgeon

"So shall we ever be with the Lord."

1 Thes. 4:17

Even the sweetest visits from Christ, how short they are - and how transitory  One moment our eyes see Him, and we rejoice with unspeakable and full of glory, but again a little time and we do not see Him  for our beloved withdraws Himself from us; like a roe or a young hart He leaps over mountains of division; He is gone to the land of spices, and feeds no more among the lilies.

"If to-day He deigns to bless us
With a sense of pardoned sin,
He to-morrow may distress us,
Make us feel the plague within."

Oh, how sweet the prospect of the time when we shall not behold Him a ta distance, but see Him face to face: when He shall not be as a wayfaring man tarrying but for a night, but shall eternally enfold us in the bosom of His glory. We shall not see Him for a little season, but 

"Millions of years our wondering eyes, 

Shall o'er our Saviour's beauties rove;

And myriad ages we'll adore,
The wonders of His love."

In heaven there shall be no interruptions from care or sin; no weeping shall dim our eyes; no earthly business shall distract our happy thoughts; we shall have nothing to hinder us from gazing for ever on the Sun of Righteousness with unwearied eyes. Oh, if it be so sweet to see Him now and then, how sweet to gaze on that blessed face for aye, and never have a cloud rolling between,a n never have tot run one's eyes away to look on a world of weariness and woe! Blest day, when wilt thou dawn? Rise, O unsetting sun! The joys of sense may leave us as soon as they will, for this shall make glorious amends. If to die is but to enter into uninterrupted communion with Jesus, then death is indeed gain and the black drop is swallowed up in a sea of victory.

Dec. 10. Morning by Morning, C.H. Spurgeon

it has been a while

It's been a while. A long while. For months now I have not written. OK that is not completely true, I have written lots, but mostly papers. Papers are different than writing here, where it is just a random thought train put into words. Papers are different and far more exhausting to write. I have written so many papers already this semester and I know there are many more papers to come. Just this week there are 5. It's okay, I will live. I did chose English as my major because I do enjoy reading and writing very much. But five papers in one week is just a bit much. For that exact reason I have not posted.
Even though I have 5 papers due this week, I am taking some time here. To write the random thoughts I have down, and to perhaps get some order in my brain, to give my mind some space, some room to think academic thoughts that correspond with the papers I need to write.

So first this.
It has been a while. Since things have just gone 'easy'. The last months have been far from easy. It has been difficult this semester to be away from 'home'. For the first time have I experienced real homesickness and felt so down. It didn't help that I wasn't feeling well, the weather was grey and gloomy, and I just wasn't feeling up to doing the things I am called to. Real homesickness is different than just missing home. Homesickness is more like a pain in your heart, an emptiness, a soreness, a cry for love, a searching for belonging, a desire to just be. When you can't, or feel like you can't have those things you may experience homesickness. I don't think there are words to describe such thoughts.
To be honest; that is exactly the reason why I haven't written on this blog, or anywhere else; I have kept contact to a minimum. I have been silly. I thought that by 'breaking' those contacts or at least minimizing it I'd feel better. I knew that IF I would be vulnerable, it would be so much harder to pick up the pieces. I knew that if I'd even talk to people I'd probably break down and fall apart. And because I don't want to be vulnerable all the time, and just want to appear strong I avoided thinking, writing, talking, and communicating these feelings.
And it failed. I realized that a while ago already. I failed. I can't take care of myself. Strength does not mean standing alone and figuring things out by yourself. Strength is often in the times when we are most vulnerable. When we realize who we are, how we are called to be, and do something about it. Strength is realizing how we called to live as one body, to be with others, share each others burden. Strength is admitting you can't stand alone.
Part of the reason why these last months have been so tough is because I have been trying so hard to stand alone, to be independent, not just from family and friends, but to not depend or anything or anyone, including God. It was a battle. I knew I wanted to follow Jesus and knew that I am called to do this. I knew that I wanted to be 'Christian' and knew that I wanted to want Jesus completely in my life. And guess what, without God in your life you cant have God in your life. When I'm pushing away everything and everyone and isolating myself it isn't going to work. I'm not going to be happy and am going to fall away, fall short, fall flat on my face.

To experience then, in those moments of pure stubbornness how God wants me to dependent on is crazy. When I hear Christ knocking on the door of my heart, and feel His arms around me I am encouraged and want to answer. But when this is simultaneous with the strong grip of sin and Satan on my life, it is like a tug-a-war in my soul. My soul is torn in two, trying to live two lives, to serve to masters. And that fails. God Himself says one cannot serve two masters! So what am I trying to do here!?! Just being dumb. Being human.

It was then that I felt spiritual warfare. Satan became more and more evident in my life. Satan was everywhere. It scared me so much. I don't think I have ever felt so torn, so confused, so scared, so dark and cold. I don't think I have ever felt so alone. Where as God?

Ever heard of God being the Faithful one?
Well I tell ya - He sure is faithful. I can hardly explain how this was. While I was being so dumb and trying to rule my own life, following Satan's most deceiving voice God was right here. He held me in His hand, He carried me like I have never been carried before. He surrounded me with love, and continually revealed Himself in the most mysterious ways. He opened my eyes, and invited me again and again into His presence. It was the most wonderful. He protected me, and called me to Him.
Faithful. Forever faithful.
Only through Him have I been able to get through these hectic crazy busy months. Only through Him do I live. Only by His strength can I stand. Only by His grace am I made strong. For His faith is sufficient for me, and in Him my weakness is made strong. Only by His work in me and His love for me, His caring for me and me being His daughter am I never alone, never am I alone, because He never leaves me. He never stops loving. My faithful God and Father helped me through this tough time.

Only because He came. To save me. To work in me. To strengthen me in my weakness. He is leading the way, because He is the Way...!

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and 

protect you from the evil one."

~2 Thes. 3:3 ~