I just wanted to know...

"...And lead me not into temptation..."
~Matt. 6:13~

Okay. I've given up. 

Well not really. But have realized I should probably not go some places at some times. Yesterday, after work at three, I had to run a couple of errands. I could use some food, my stomach was growling. However, what happened was I didn't need anything. There is enough food at the dorm for me, and since I'm the only one at the dorm this week I did not need to go anywhere to get more.

FORTINOS. It's a grocery story in the Loblaw's franchise thing. It's name is all uppercase. Like it's calling you over. Yelling your name. HELLO, OVER HERE. IT'S FORTINOS. COME IN. Well, I had not yet been at that particular Fortinos. Not shopped there yet. And I was kinda hungry. So...

Okay I find myself parking my car in the parking lot. Grab my purse, lock the doors and walk into Fortinos. I feel like an idiot. Walk around aimlessly. Checking every isle to find something yummy. I think people look at me, since I stare at each product, pick it up, look at it and then put it back. I have no cart. I have no basket. Fine, I'll get something. Eh the Rice Cakes are on sale. Perfect, and its even the good quality brand, costing the same as the NoName brand. Score.. O shit. I just grabbed something I did not need.

Only minutes later I don't feel so much like an idiot any more. I have a basket, and it's filling up... I see the produce section, o boy do I love produce... Yummy fruits and veggies... And then last but not least I find this orchid. It's only $15...and I have wanted it for a long time. I kind of deserve it...I mean I'm by myself at the dorm, and need a pretty companion to get me through these dreary winter days....

Then I get to the till. The cashier tells me how much it costs and I am surprised. I pay and drive to the dorm. When I get there I realize that I led myself into temptation. Grocery stores and me, well lets just say it's not a good combination. Especially not when I am hungry, don't need anything, and don't really have money for it. I was led into temptation, even though I remember praying very consciously yesterday 'and lead me not into tempation..' Why God? Why did I go? Why can't I resist temptations like grocery stores....

While thinking that I heard myself come up with excuses. Well I had never been in that Fortinos before and I just wanted to know what it looked like. I just wanted to know if it is cheaper or more expensive then Sobeys. I just.....

I'm just BSing myself while coming up with the excuses. I know the excuses I come up with are partially true. But I totally lied to myself about it...

So now I've lied and given into temptation...

Many times when we're faced with temptations we come up with excuses. I find that in the past it was often an excuse that included "I just wanted to know" in the excuse. I have been led astray that way many times. Just because I wanted to know... what it was like.. how it was.. what it looked like.. how I would feel.. what would happen....

I just wanted to know...

Now I know, just like many sources say, to not go to a grocery store on an empty(er) stomach. And maybe I should not go to the grocery store alone. Plus if I do have to go I must make a list of things I need and not go past that list. I think Ill be better of that way. Hopefully.

And pray often, for strength and self-control, so that I will not be led into temptation. again. and again. and again.