16 days till I go home.. only a matter of hours from now. Yes I know, I did calculate the hours until I will be back in Alberta. It's silly. I feel like a child. But really it makes it seem like its going faster.. Ill tell you why. We started this afternoon at 5pm. It was 411.5 hrs then. Now its 1235am. So 7.5 hr later, so that is 404 hours. Time seems to fly now..
Yet I'm very far away from home. I felt that very much so today. And it was tough. I haven't felt that so much yet. But now, that it is only weeks away until I go home it seems to seem so far, so long from now. It really isn't I know and maybe I'm just being silly.
I found that in these last days I was again, and again, looking to me. Looking at what I have to do, what I have to take care of, what I have to get done, what I should change, what I... what I... what I...
O goody, I have the wrong focus again and again. I'm focusing on me way TOO MUCH!
So often I find myself looking for answers from myself, instead of looking to God, and failing. I fail to find answers here, with me. Stupid! When will I learn. Every single time I realize that I want to just punch myself. I then remember that I cannot do this on my own. I must try my hardest though.
O goody, I have the wrong focus again and again. I'm focusing on me way TOO MUCH!
So often I find myself looking for answers from myself, instead of looking to God, and failing. I fail to find answers here, with me. Stupid! When will I learn. Every single time I realize that I want to just punch myself. I then remember that I cannot do this on my own. I must try my hardest though.
But the God of love, who loves me!, wants to be there for me, and wants to be #1, in my life, also for the answers. Who am I to be so stupid and to ignore that and to again and again put myself in first place! IDIOT!
O goody, will I ever learn, or will I just keep making the same silly mistake over and over and over and over again?
Draw me close to You, never let me go!
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