calming His child

in this post the pictures are as much part of my writing as the writing itself.
Some of these pictures are my own posts from my social media account. 

That's where a lot of my thinking happens. 

Sometimes God calms the storm

Sometimes He lets the storm rage but calms the child

I can't remember who sent me that quote, can't remember when I heard it in the last couple of weeks, but it keeps coming back to me. Just like many other things do - quotes, scripture verses, song lyrics, and prayers. Prayers, prayers, prayers. So many prayers said by myself, cried out in the dark night, wept in the middle of the day, on bare knees or in shoe laced feet at the top of a mountain top. I cry out and ask God so many questions. Last week, while sitting in the hospital hallway my sister Helma and I wept - and I said I have so many questions for Jesus!

Calgary skyline from FMC

When life seemed tough last year I cried and felt alone and wasn't sure what kind of stupid decisions I had made. Who moves to the Netherlands alone and starts life in a new small city and knows nothing about teaching. There came the many moments of self-doubt, of depression, of hiding behind a mask of 'I can do this but I can't'. When others called me strong and indepedent I crumbled inside, more so than I would ever let on. I even repeated it myself 'Marieta, you're strong and indepedent' just to prove to myself I didn't need any help... Life seemed hard then. In January February of this year I had to make a tough decision. I had been offered a good position at a good school and knew I would have to worry about applying for jobs all over again (4 years in a row - no thank you!) if I didn't take the job... But I also had to choose if I wanted to stay in NL or move back to Canada. Anywho - I ended up deciding to stay in the Netherlands. About the months in between I may write some other time...

In July I came to Alberta - just for a quick visit because my nephew had been so ill and my brother had asked countless times to please be with family. Family needs to be together when life isn't easy.

Never in a million years had I expected those words to mean as much as they do now. Family needs to be together.

booking a flight

In my last blog post about my sister's recent diagnosis: NUT midline carcinoma. On her blog you can read all about it. September 8th, I called Helma to chat and she mentioned Lianne was going to come to her house to hang out and go garage saling together. A bit I get another phone call - Lianne has been taken to Red Deer hospital - her friends fear she's dehydrated. That evening Lianne gets sent to Foothills Medical Centre (FMC) in Calgary. On Sunday the doctor checks the CTscan results from the scan that had been taken on the Thursday. Dad calls to the Netherlands - mom and I were driving from church to my brother's place for dinner. Dad shares the news. Another tumour has been found - 13cm - in Lianne's abdomen.

I had already heard from Emily to start looking at flights. Then dad shares - you should come sooner than later. Mom asks me what I want to do. We arrive at Corné and Erika's place for dinner and start eating. Then share.  Within half an hour we have decided, checked online, and booked 5 flights to Canada.

Tuesday, September 11th. The day I remember so clearly - always will. Back in 2001 my parents went to the Canadian Embassy to start applying for our emigration. The day the Twin Towers crumbled. The day we remember as 9/11. Seventeen years later I stand on Schiphol International Airport to travel back to Canada. I shouldn't be going to Canada in the 3rd week of school. Shouldn't be going to Canada because I'd signed another contract. Shouldn't be going to Canada because it can't be. 

Along with the flight itinerary I sent: "Coming for a sleepover Tuesday night dude!"(I know I shouldn't call my sister dude but that's just what I do, okay?!)

booked. cleaned. packed.

check in. 

My sister can't be in the hospital. My sister can't be dying - can't be being attacked by cancer - can't be under the power of sin and darkness! I WhatsApped to Lianne: "I'm going to sleep finally... And girly guess what. When I wake up I'm leaving on a jet plane and coming your way!!! Soon and very soooon. Within 24hrs I'll be by your side." But we're there, AMS to YYC. It's simple, we're only a flight away. There were lots of troubles, and my brother doesn't get to come with us right away because of paperwork malfunctions. I don't get my luggage once we get to Calgary, and we're exhausted. For hours we've been waiting and now we had to wait longer. First things first. GO SEE LIANNE.

After arriving in Canada I stayed at the hospital overnight. Stayed with Lianne. 

I have spent countless hours in that hospital. Unit 61. In between many elderly people lies Lianne. At 25. Fighting hard. I hold her hand. Anoint and massage her feet. Straighten pillows. Put on and take off blankets. Run for water, a wet cloth or a bucket. She hurts, she aches, we cry. We pray, we joke, we weep. We reminisce and get annoyed at past memories. She bites her lips, curls her toes, pushes pains away. It's hard to see her in so much pain. 

I watched her get poked and prodded with needles and by all kinds of doctors, and she still does get that. I tried to stay strong and some  moments I totally can - I didn't cry in her room, in her presence, until Saturday. We stood there - Peter, Cindy, Helma and I. And what could we do?

I sat by her bed and she was in so much pain. I wept. And she told me not to cry. My mind recalled the beautiful account where it says that Jesus was moved with compassion. He also wept. He cried out and was full of sorrow for the state of His children, the hurt they experienced, the pain they were to bear. He was moved with compassion because He loves them. 

Helma's response to my post on Instagram

If you know Lianne as registered massage therapist you know she's strong. You wouldn't want to arm wrestle with her I think - well I definitely don't! I know how much of a fighter she is - from an early age we shared a room. Every Saturday we had the same chore: clean our room. It was awful but she was strong and I perhaps a bit too timid. She fought until her will was done. She fights for whats she wants and perseveres. Not only that, she's witty and has a great sense of humour - here verbal communication is super strong too (but sometimes a bit tough for me). I think her strength is a huge and super good positive trait. I don't let her run over me as easily as I did back in the day but I would still say that she's strong! But in this odd detour, her body is weakening. Yet she remains strong, solid Foundation under foot, fed by the Bread! She's peacefully bearing the cross God has put on her shoulders and drawing strength from her Father! She's strong, she's alive - because Christ is within her!

I've been overwhelmed and humbled by the hearts and words of others. Am in awe of a community that comes together. Am embraced by brothers and sisters I have never met before and feel so connected to. Am welcomed in a cold, cold province by warm, warm hearts. I stand amazed at the thoughtfulness of so many towards me, towards Lianne, our family, Lianne's people. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every WhatsApp and Facebook message, every InstaDirect and Instagram comment, every email, and every card - they don't go unnoticed! I read each word but just don't have the time to reply. 

We thank you for all your care and support. For your love and prayers. For all your encouragements! We are forever grateful. 

Time for an elfie when it's just van Iperens in the elevator

But really - what we're so grateful for is this: our hearts are overwhelmed by and our cups run over with God's grace that washes over us. His grace is sufficient. He pours it over His children. And in our weakness His power is perfected. I rest in the loving arms of the Father. Who carries me through this storm. Who calms this child. Who lets me dwell with Him because He abides right here with me  and I with Him. I'm called to His feet, into His presence - right here and now. Never before have I been so grieved and so overjoyed at the same time.

Lianne's still fighting. She's not one to follow the normalcy pattern and I have a feeling she won't now either. She continues to fight and we continue to support her, but we cannot do that without your support! Continue lifting her in prayer - storming His throne - and pleading for Him to be glorified and His will to be done. However He sees fit.

Meanwhile - head over to GoFundMe to support Lianne financially as she's been out of commission for over 2 weeks.

Or check out her blog where you can read about the detour she's on. 

going for a walk in the hospital last week