void

I'm tired. Tired of working on school. Tired of working without really feeling there's a point to it. Tired of thinking there is no point, of thinking it is all a big waste of time. Tired of going, going, gone. Tired of going and feeling there's no purpose, of feeling useless, empty, void.

Yet that's going back to the beginning. The empty, the void. It's then that God created. The most beautiful, most powerful, most good. It'st then that God created - to fill that void. Then that God said - let us make... And he did. He made to fill, to fulfill, to beautify, to perfect, to flourish. In the void, the dark, the empty, He said "fill, light, be," and it was. He said "let there be" and there was. He said "it is good." Very good. None but good. Perfection. Completion. Fulfillment. Flourishing. Life abundant - giving, living, breathing, being. FULL. It was the emptiness God spoke into. Empty - "be no more" - no more. Be ye filled. Be ye alive. Be ye mine. He made all things. His. TO live and be filled in Him.

So then in that void - in the empty - when we feel none, nothing, zip, useless, without, alone, forgotten, forsaken, void, empty, dark, He speaks into us. He says "be ye full." Filled with life, love, breath, being, living, fire, spirit, joy, peace. Be ye filled, fulfilled - in Me. Be at peace. Be at rest - in your 'voidness' I will fill you up. Overflowing. Full. Abundance. Be ye filled. Full. Living. Alive.

In His fullness He became none. Void, in the dark, empty, alone. In His fullness He became 'void', separated. So I can be full, so I can have life. So I can live, breathe, be fulfilled, live in abundance. He left all to come into the nothing. He left all so the nothing, the empty, the void could become full. He left all for the nothing to have all. All we can think or dream of. All we can imagine or desire. All we need, fully. Provided. Given. Abundant. Fulfilling.

All.
Nothing short, forgotten, left. All in full.

He knows the emptiness, the void, the loneliness, the dark. But breathes Light, Life, breathe. He breathes it into us, pours it over us, fills it up in us. Until we live, are filled, abundant, overflowing.

He gives and gives and does not grow weary. He gives and gives to fill my need. I take and take and take and realize not. I take and take and desire more. More of life, of love, of peace, of rest. I seek in the empty place,s in the void, in the dark. I seek it in my self, my technology, my friends, my education. I seek it where He is not. I seek it and find not. I seek it and find not because I'm void seeking in void. I'm void seeking foolishly for satisfaction, for fulfillment in earthly things. Seek love in hate, joy in sorrow and pain. Seek answers and run. Too afraid to face the void. Too afraid to face the pain. Too afraid to feel the hurt. Too afraid to see myself - broken - empty -void - weak - tired. Too afraid to say 'Lord where are you, I can't see you, I'm blind, lost, empty.' Too afraid to cry out 'Abba, Father - take me, heal me, breathe your life into me.' Too afraid to admit I can't do it on my own.

I leave again, empty, lost, alone, hurt. Void.

Knowing full well I can rest in Him alone, be filled in Him alone. Live in Him and alone and be full. Abundance. Satisfied. Overflowing. In Him alone. Not in myself, my empty pit, my dark void, but in Christ. He alone is my hope. My stay. My breath. My life. My all. All and in all. Full. Flourish. Joy. Peace. Love.

REST.

Abba, in your arms I rest. Knowing it full well only in you is Life. Fully. Forever. Jireh.