Sigh.

Sigh.

It can be such a relief. A refreshing breath of air. Or a release of something that was locked up within. Sigh. A gulp of air but then in reverse, it comes out.

It's nearly three a.m. I should be sleeping, a long time ago. Sigh. I could. I should. I would. But I don't. That's me.... sigh...

As I browse the internet and read blogs, as I drewl over Pinterest posts and envy photographs, as I click all links and watch videos, as I read my Bible and write my journal, I am to busy. My head is still spinning from the previous day. My mind doesn't stop. It never does. ...SIGH... Ah and then I think, it's okay. It's now Saturday, and I know I just have to do homework, really who wants to get up for that anyway?! I love my calling as student, I really do, but sigh, this semester is flying by and yes I want to be done year three of university, but can I finish without the work?!

Go to the ant you sluggard.... ~Proverbs???

OKAY. Never mind. Scratch that. I do love my calling as student and I also love the work I have to get done. SIGH. sometimes it is just too much. I feel overwhelmed and procrastinate (old story). Not only that, perhaps I get too ambitious in a way. I want to get good grades and be happy. I want to do well in school and have friends. I want to be a social butterfly and dedicated to my studies. I want to be a teacher and want to be a student. I want to be fun to be around and live life to the fullest. I want to be a friend and also a listener. I want to be wise and be able to take critique. I want to be humble and modest. I want to be pretty and good. I want to be excited and willing. I want to make money and give lots. I want to get to know all people and know more about them. I want to help others and be hospitable. I want to be loving and fair. I want to be just and encouraging. I want to be enthusiastic and intelligent.

I should stop making that list. There ware a lot of wants on there. It's not yet finished, I could add a million other things. Really, what is there not to want?! To be a better person, doesn't everyone want that? In my writing I struggle. Yes my fingers rattle on the keyboard, but my mind is a blur. when I started this post the only thought in my mind was sigh. The word sigh has been on my mind for days now, and it felt like it could be a decent post. It's in months that I haven't posted for a while that I don't think about potential post entries. But once I post again I remember how much I love blogging. Really it should be come more of habit, something I take joy in more regularly, because it is so fun! To just let my fingers rattle off the words that pop up in my brain and want to get out so badly. It's so fun to see what comes, to read the post after writing it and think WOW that's not what I had intended with the first line. I struggle, as my intentions throughout the writing journey change, as I feel my mood change through writing, as I feel my mind zigzag from left to write trying to decide what to right. ;) A struggle what to put on the sheet of paper on my screen. It is a struggle to bring a good story to you..

Added to my I want list I could be I want to write better and more exciting things...

But that's on the back burner for now. Maybe that day will come sometime. Who knows..

Anyway. About the sigh.

For me, a sigh can definitely be out of frustration and confusion. I don't get it or am overwhelmed and sigh.  It's in stressful times that I sigh most. But I realized a while ago that sighing is good during good times too. It can be away to just let things soak in, to let them be and settle in my mind.

A sigh. Oh - it can be so rejuvenating. New energy.

Today I was watching videos and reading blogs. I feel called to being a student, but also to other things. Right now being a student is where I need to be, and I love it, I always will. But the calling goes beyond being a student. There are children everywhere in the world with curious little minds and fantastic dreams of hope and a future. They need.

Sigh... What would I do? Live life to the fullest, and give. Give. Give.

The famous WWJD?
It has come up a lot in the last while. 'Are you a Christian?' and 'you call yourself a Christian?' have become regularly used phrases within my group of friends. It has been interesting, as we joke around and ask each other if we are Christians. I don't always know if it is a good thing, as we point fingers at the behaviours of each other and judge. I know it's all fun and game when do so, but it's good to realize sometimes that this is the most important question of life. Are you a Christian, a follower of Christ? And with that, do you want to become like Him? Do you want to not just follow Him but be Christ-like, imitate Him through knowing Him and being intimate with Him? Do you want to know what Jesus would do in a situation? Want to know Jesus? Because HE IS THE ANSWER!

What would Jesus do? I think that some of my 'I wants' are definitely traits Jesus would have had. Others are selfish and sinful. But it is good to stand still and ponder, what Jesus would do in situations. What would He want? He would want justice and friendship, love and care, generosity and hospitality, forgiveness and giving, kindness and peace, encouragement and unity. He would want the best for all His people. He would want harmony; shalom. Jesus wants for us what God had initially intended for us, and that is perfection.

Sadly my wants are far from perfection, because of this awful s-word that gets in between me and God all the time. I obey the s-word far more than God. I walk away from God again and again and again. The majority of the time I forget about Jesus, because I am too distracted by the s-word. SIN I HATE YOU, you ruin the perfection, you ruin shalom, you ruin my relationships, you ruin my thoughts, you ruin me.

Sigh.

WWJD?
Well - this is what He did, He came, and walked among us, visiting the poor and needy, healing the sick, eating with prostitutes and tax collectors, leading the stray and seeking the lost, touching the impure and giving food to the hungry, loving the forgotten and forgiving the filthy. He provided all their needs. And then He died. And rose again. VICTORY.

A sigh of amazement, overwhelmed with awe and inspiration, of new energy, of hope, of promises.
He loved. He gave. He became. He led. He shared. He was. He is. He will be. Always.
What's keeping me back?
Be Christ-like, He gives life.

In all you do, WWJD?