mended heart

A Mended Heart and A Deep Meaning of Happiness

                Total transformation. Christ-like. That’s what we’re called to; to be like Christ flows from a transformation of the heart. The heart, I believe is our whole being. It’s our mind, our strength, our soul – our being. When we are transformed by God and for God we are changed from the inside out, it will show in every part of our lives. With such a transformation comes the desire to continually grow ‘nearer, still nearer to Thee’ and become more like Christ. It’s a continual recognizing our disordered loves and lives, denying self and transforming. It is a love restored, reordered for God. 

                Over reading break I read Radical by David Platt. Talk about transforming. A book about the Book and for the glory of God; where I was challenged not only to be radical but to allow to transformation. I believe that through allowing transformation we will find God, God will become evident in our lives and that our happiness will be reordered, re-formed, refocused with God at the center. The redemptive work of God in me lets me live in the ‘already’; I get to experience a peace of heaven on earth, I get to experience some shalom in Him. Through the already I am in Christ, and become more like Him as I seek His will and long to do His will. In the already I am promised the ‘not yet’, the life to come, life eternal. As I believe in the – between already and not yet I am in Him. The – is what I live in now. It’s fantastic – I get to be in Christ and in the world too. God has called me here with a purpose and a profession or calling; through prayer and petition I can let God know my requests, because He has promised to listen to me. He has made this relationship possible in the already redemptive work of Christ.

                It’s not just fantastic to live in between the already and the not yet. It’s difficult at times. I experience doubt and confusion. I feel the earthquakes and the tremors, there are twists and turns in my life, there are upheavals and times of emptiness which I experience. But it is in those times that I am carried; as I journey I see God is working all things together for my good (Rom 8:28-29).  It is then, in the troubled times that God is forming me, teaching me to become more like Him. God brings me to the mountaintop sometimes, and I look back and see His beauty, His providence, His faithfulness. It is then that I sing and praise His most Holy Name. LORD, ‘Here I stand in awe … there’s nothing like Your presence, God’ (Here We Stand, Newsboys). I believe that God’s incredible work of Love in me is to mend my heart, and to let me experience true happiness, all for Him and for His glory. 

encouraged

I am encouraged by
the whistling of birds at the break of day
even though the darkness of the sky
and frigid air keep spring away.

I am encouraged by
the green blades of grass poking out
even though I still see in the corner of my
eye the whiteness on the ground.

I am encouraged by
the small signs of Spring,
knowing that God doesn't lie,
that promises of seasons should make us sing.

I am encouraged.

Sigh.

Sigh.

It can be such a relief. A refreshing breath of air. Or a release of something that was locked up within. Sigh. A gulp of air but then in reverse, it comes out.

It's nearly three a.m. I should be sleeping, a long time ago. Sigh. I could. I should. I would. But I don't. That's me.... sigh...

As I browse the internet and read blogs, as I drewl over Pinterest posts and envy photographs, as I click all links and watch videos, as I read my Bible and write my journal, I am to busy. My head is still spinning from the previous day. My mind doesn't stop. It never does. ...SIGH... Ah and then I think, it's okay. It's now Saturday, and I know I just have to do homework, really who wants to get up for that anyway?! I love my calling as student, I really do, but sigh, this semester is flying by and yes I want to be done year three of university, but can I finish without the work?!

Go to the ant you sluggard.... ~Proverbs???

OKAY. Never mind. Scratch that. I do love my calling as student and I also love the work I have to get done. SIGH. sometimes it is just too much. I feel overwhelmed and procrastinate (old story). Not only that, perhaps I get too ambitious in a way. I want to get good grades and be happy. I want to do well in school and have friends. I want to be a social butterfly and dedicated to my studies. I want to be a teacher and want to be a student. I want to be fun to be around and live life to the fullest. I want to be a friend and also a listener. I want to be wise and be able to take critique. I want to be humble and modest. I want to be pretty and good. I want to be excited and willing. I want to make money and give lots. I want to get to know all people and know more about them. I want to help others and be hospitable. I want to be loving and fair. I want to be just and encouraging. I want to be enthusiastic and intelligent.

I should stop making that list. There ware a lot of wants on there. It's not yet finished, I could add a million other things. Really, what is there not to want?! To be a better person, doesn't everyone want that? In my writing I struggle. Yes my fingers rattle on the keyboard, but my mind is a blur. when I started this post the only thought in my mind was sigh. The word sigh has been on my mind for days now, and it felt like it could be a decent post. It's in months that I haven't posted for a while that I don't think about potential post entries. But once I post again I remember how much I love blogging. Really it should be come more of habit, something I take joy in more regularly, because it is so fun! To just let my fingers rattle off the words that pop up in my brain and want to get out so badly. It's so fun to see what comes, to read the post after writing it and think WOW that's not what I had intended with the first line. I struggle, as my intentions throughout the writing journey change, as I feel my mood change through writing, as I feel my mind zigzag from left to write trying to decide what to right. ;) A struggle what to put on the sheet of paper on my screen. It is a struggle to bring a good story to you..

Added to my I want list I could be I want to write better and more exciting things...

But that's on the back burner for now. Maybe that day will come sometime. Who knows..

Anyway. About the sigh.

For me, a sigh can definitely be out of frustration and confusion. I don't get it or am overwhelmed and sigh.  It's in stressful times that I sigh most. But I realized a while ago that sighing is good during good times too. It can be away to just let things soak in, to let them be and settle in my mind.

A sigh. Oh - it can be so rejuvenating. New energy.

Today I was watching videos and reading blogs. I feel called to being a student, but also to other things. Right now being a student is where I need to be, and I love it, I always will. But the calling goes beyond being a student. There are children everywhere in the world with curious little minds and fantastic dreams of hope and a future. They need.

Sigh... What would I do? Live life to the fullest, and give. Give. Give.

The famous WWJD?
It has come up a lot in the last while. 'Are you a Christian?' and 'you call yourself a Christian?' have become regularly used phrases within my group of friends. It has been interesting, as we joke around and ask each other if we are Christians. I don't always know if it is a good thing, as we point fingers at the behaviours of each other and judge. I know it's all fun and game when do so, but it's good to realize sometimes that this is the most important question of life. Are you a Christian, a follower of Christ? And with that, do you want to become like Him? Do you want to not just follow Him but be Christ-like, imitate Him through knowing Him and being intimate with Him? Do you want to know what Jesus would do in a situation? Want to know Jesus? Because HE IS THE ANSWER!

What would Jesus do? I think that some of my 'I wants' are definitely traits Jesus would have had. Others are selfish and sinful. But it is good to stand still and ponder, what Jesus would do in situations. What would He want? He would want justice and friendship, love and care, generosity and hospitality, forgiveness and giving, kindness and peace, encouragement and unity. He would want the best for all His people. He would want harmony; shalom. Jesus wants for us what God had initially intended for us, and that is perfection.

Sadly my wants are far from perfection, because of this awful s-word that gets in between me and God all the time. I obey the s-word far more than God. I walk away from God again and again and again. The majority of the time I forget about Jesus, because I am too distracted by the s-word. SIN I HATE YOU, you ruin the perfection, you ruin shalom, you ruin my relationships, you ruin my thoughts, you ruin me.

Sigh.

WWJD?
Well - this is what He did, He came, and walked among us, visiting the poor and needy, healing the sick, eating with prostitutes and tax collectors, leading the stray and seeking the lost, touching the impure and giving food to the hungry, loving the forgotten and forgiving the filthy. He provided all their needs. And then He died. And rose again. VICTORY.

A sigh of amazement, overwhelmed with awe and inspiration, of new energy, of hope, of promises.
He loved. He gave. He became. He led. He shared. He was. He is. He will be. Always.
What's keeping me back?
Be Christ-like, He gives life.

In all you do, WWJD?

extra-ordinary

“It’s the invitation to actually live, to fully participate in this amazing life. […] I've seen
plenty of people turn down an invitation to fully live.” (Goff, 80)

My room-mate has shared some wonderful quotes from the book she is reading, Love Does by Bob Goff. In the chapter, There Is Room, Goff describes how we decline the invitation of living a full life in Christ; we continue to take pleasure in the things we have without fully enjoying them and meanwhile completely ignoring and denying God. “Turning down this invitation… looks like numbing yourself or distracting yourself or seeing something really beautiful as normal.” I think that is the problem when we do not savour. When we just let things ‘roll over’ us and accept them without seeing the beauty. In fact, as Goff says on the same page, “we get head-faked into thinking we haven’t really been invited. But you see, we have been invited – every day, all over again” (80). When we accept the invitation to enjoy life we will become closer to God and fall more in love; we will joy in the small things and become happy.

                Just like Goff, Thornton Wilder says “My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” Lyubomirsky opens her 'savouring' happiness activity with this quote, and I believe it is very true. At times it is good to just be still and enjoy what we have been given. To savour what we have, or had, or are going to have and enjoy it. Let that joy wash over us and make us happy. But the problem is that we rarely take the time to live in the present and savour it. I believe that it is effective to savour.

                Just before writing this response I made myself some time. I sat here at my desk just before this thinking how lovely a cup of tea would be. I boiled the water and picked the type of tea. I brewed and brought the cup of hot tea to my room. Just the smell,oh the smell of my mint truffle tea made me happy inside. Then feeling the steam and the warmth of the cup; it too made me happy. Had I not been doing this savouring exercise I would not have realized how I can let a cup of hot tea make me happy. Throughout this week I allowed the ordinary things to become extraordinary, to savour them and reflect on them. I saw a bright pink sky early this morning while eating my breakfast. No one else was up and I was given the gift of savouring a glimpse of the sunrise. What a great start to the day. This past Friday I was walking to the main office at Redeemer before 8 in the morning, where I work each day. I was happy to be there, walking and rejoicing that it was Friday; the line from a song came to mind, ‘it’s good to be alive…’ A coffee date or hanging out with friends this weekend overwhelmed me with joy, how blessed am I to have friends! It’s the little things that get me, where I can fully savour through enjoyment and realization. Gratitude and awe wash over me as I realize God’s constant faithfulness and love towards me.

                I had other moments, when I didn't savour. I had dessert and wolf it down because it was so yummy, but I hardly even tasted it because I ate so quickly. Or I wake in up and go through the motions, hardly giving my body time to realize how good it is to be alive, to live, and to be; how beautiful it is and what a blessing that I may accept the invitation to joy in the new day. It is those moments that I realize how the beauty passes before me and I see it as normal; I expect it to be there.

                This exercise made me realize that if I savour more I also see God more. When I allow myself to see God in the small things of like, like that cup of tea or walking to work, I believe that I am more likely to see God in the big things too. But if I don't allow myself to see God in the ordinary, I am more prone to not allow myself to see Him in the extraordinary. The Westminster Shorter Catechism states that my calling is to “is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” Through savouring I can glorify God and enjoy Him, through which I may experience true happiness. Savour than each moment, and rejoice in the Lord always, no matter the circumstance (Phil. 4).