Canada - They say there are no stupid questions.

A few questions I am often asked...

- what did you eat in Canada?

- do bears walk around?

- my cousin went to Canada last summer, did you meet them?

- do you know ....? They live in Vancouver, or in a tiny town in Manitoba?

- you must love winter?!

- did you always go skiing, snowboarding, etc?

- there is already snow there now, right? 

- is it ever not cold?

- do you think in English?

- you always eat hamburgers and french fries, right?

- you have to drive more than thirty minutes to see anyone, right?

- do you have horses?

- is your dad a cowboy?

- everyone is white there, right? So how do you feel about the multicultural population here?

- do your parents farm?

- do you ride through the Wild West and yell "yeehaw"?

- did you have potatoes there?

- does everyone have a gun behind their front door?

- why would you leave Canada, isn't it the end all, be all?!

- what do you think about Trump? (UHM... YOU KNOW HE IS NOT FROM CANADA RIGHT?! :o)

- wait, you have cell phones and WiFi there? 

- don't you measure temperature in Fahrenheit?

- did you ride in a horse and buggy?

- were your neigbours miles away?

I could go on. It's the typical. The stereotyping. Generalizing.

So often I respond with things like:

- it's never sunny in the Netherlands!

- you always wear woodenshoes!

- everyone eats kale and potatoes mashed together!

- all you eat is meat, potatoes, veggies!

- you can't go without kroketten!

- you only ever bike, there are no cars here!

- only Dutch immigrants live in Canada and they all live in a 2 mile radius!

Oh, dear people. 

One day - you should go to Canada, and see for yourself. 

Read up on it before you ask these questions.

They say there are no stupid questions. Sorry. But it's kind of funny and kind of pathetic. 

when thinking changes

When thinking changes...

I'll tell you one thing, when your thoughts change from one language to another it is involuntary. I cannot do anything about the change, I cannot make it happen and I cannot make it unhappen. Many people asked me when I first moved here if I thought in English or in Dutch - and asked when that would change. I couldn't predict when it would change and couldn't decide how fast it would change. When I was in Dutch conversations those first weeks I could feel the energy being sucked out of me, it took so much more effort to speak Dutch... I got tired after being awake for a few hours and noticed that I often stumbled over the simplest sentences and words. I noticed that I would change to English when I was tired, when I struggled to find words, or when it was a little bit of a sensitive/emotional topic. I noticed that I would change to English when I would get frustrated with situations at the bank or in the shops. I would switch to English when I had to ask for directions or a silly question that I felt would appear lame if I asked it in Dutch.

Then, suddenly, 2 weeks ago, I woke up in the morning and said my 'to-do' list for that day to myself in Dutch!

Say what?!!!

Thriftshop finds. Uncle Tom's cabin, an edition like we had in my
elementary school and Lewis Carroll's work. Two books in
languages dear to my heart.  

I know.

It shocked me too. I don't know how it happened but it seriously is kind of freaky. Now I notice myself having to think more about English, having to be more conscious and intentional about choosing English. When I read Dutch in those first weeks in the Netherlands it was very difficult and time consuming. It is fun to be able to read Dutch newspapers and get what they ware saying, read a novel in a relatively normal amount of time and mostly understand what is being said. What I really enjoy about learning or relearning Dutch is that I get to quickly advance from a 13-year-old vocabulary (that's when I moved away) and learn many difficult and less difficult new words. The difference between similar words is sometimes very small but you gotta know when to use what word and in what context. I have fantastic people around me who correct me and tell me why it was used incorrectly.

So people, within a month my thinking has completely changed from English to Dutch in day to day life. I can easily switch back to English too, and don't have to make that conscious decision. One of my co-workers, who also teaches English, addressed me in English and I immediately switched to that language.

Bilingualism is freaky, exciting, and an adventure in itself.

Meanwhile, I keep reading English and Dutch.

And, while I teach English I speak English 85% of the time. Poor grade 7s and 8s, so many of them have no clue what is going on. But they will get there, immersion is the best way to mastery!

This summer I have spent so many hours reading books.
Don't take it away from me! 

segments

view from my porch in Hamilton

July 1999, a week before my eighth birthday our family moved to Heteren.
November 2004, four months after my thirteenth birthday our branch of the van Iperen tree emigrated to Lacombe, Canada.
August 2011, seven weeks past my twentieth birthday I gathered my things and drove to Ontario to live there.
July 2017, five days after my 26th birthday I once again packed up my life and moved across the Atlantic to the Netherlands.

D-Move. flying the higher of heights...

Above you see 4 time frames of my life. They're just short segments, periods of time in different locations in the world. No place has been my home for longer than 8 years. During my undergrad I lived in places for a maximum of 8 short months. Last summer, after living downtown Hamilton for about 7 months I decided it was time to put up some picture frames... It felt too permanent to put them up, because it had been so long since I had to put pictures up... After I put the pictures up I knew I had already started thinking about the next chapter, about the possibility of moving across the world. I had been in the Netherlands in August, and it was then that I started seriously considering not only moving schools and grade level but continents... I had no idea that in June that would actually become reality - I ended my CCS career as grade school teacher. I will be starting a new chapter as teacher to the first 2 years of high school in the Netherlands - middle school in Canada... Yep. Changing chapters...

2 chapters ended quite abruptly. Teaching grade
school and teaching at Cambridge Christian.

Perhaps chapters is a better word than segments. Less disjunctive and more connected - more part of a whole story. This chapter is quite exciting, it's new and fresh but boy is there ever a lot of chaos. I can't believe how much paper work I have to organize in order to make life happen here. There was the cancellation of insurance and things in Canada before I left. I had visits with people at the bank to figure out Canadian banking, called the CRA and other businessy agencies.... If didn't know this yet, I hate paperwork, money stuff, and anything adminstration related.  (My sister asked me, just after I started teaching, why I started teaching. 'Don't you know you hate paperwork? Why would you choose a paperwork job?!' :o Her question left me somewhat dumbfounded, speechless. I had no idea. I certainly didn't pick education for the many paperworky/administrative aspects.)
Finally I had it all finalized in Canada. Including some travel insurance; well, I finalized that just hours before the plane departed - I know, I was slow with that - but at least I had travel insurance.

all the paperworky things arrived at once...

Then the whole thing started here. A new chapter, a new country, a new HUGE stack of paperwork. From banking to registering myself in the city, to figuring out how long my drivers licence will be valid (PTL I have 5.5 months left to figure that one out, it's valid 6 months you see...), to memorizing my new address and phone number. Well, I've got Dutch bank account now, am registered in the city, and even know the address I live at.. But, now to get money onto the bank account - you'd think in a time of internet banking transferring money from nation to nation would be a piece of cake. It's dry bread, team. In fact, it is next to impossible. And no one seems to know what they're talking about - they haven't a clue how to do it, and they're the people who work at the bank. Surely I am not the first who wants to make a transfer from North America to Europe....!?

99% of my university paperworky things, recycled.
happy picking, garbage person... 

How do they not know how to do something as simple as transferring money from nation to nation while I have just transferred my entire life across the pond. I am not saying that was easy, not at all, but it sure feels much more difficult that digitally moving currency from one place to the next. I had been working towards moving for months. I didn't just decide a week before the 12th of July that I would be moving then. Since April I started getting rid of stuff. Ask my roommates, they know that I was constantly adding to our 'thrift pile' and made many trips to a variety of second-hand stores.

thrift pile... 1 of 10 probably... 

 Many people enthusiastically responded to my 'ads' that I was getting rid of stuff. Minutes after I posted things that were in need of a new home the new home was volunteered. The community around me took things from me from small things like sticky notes and paper clips to large things like an entire wardrobe or much needed fan. (Life in Ontario without AC is pretty hot, so a fan is a must!) I couldn't believe how quickly things were claimed. Every time I shared new things to get rid off they were taken. THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR TAKING MY STUFF! I don't want to call it junk, because it wasn't really junk, but when you need to purge, purge, purge, because you can't just store, store, store it sure feels like junk.

nope. I ain't getting a U-HAUL, but my I feel like I need it... 

Even after the many many items were brought away, I still was left with so much stuff... 

how will I ever fit all this stuff into 4 bins and 2 suitcases?

I had 2 weeks between my work at CCS wrapped up and my flight to the Netherlands. At the beginning of those two weeks I met up with a lot of friends in ON; spend time relaxing and allowed myself to just be. I ventured all over the place and was pretty busy. Suddenly there were only 5 days left and I found out I had so much to do still! But I had a wedding to go to that Saturday and another day would be lost. I celebrated my birthday on the Sunday and that was lovely. Ah, friends, you were good to me! I cherish memories of last hang-outs and many before that too... I lived those last few days in Ontario like I had been always before, just enjoying it. One friend asked me how my last Sunday was, and I said, just like every other Sunday. I am not allowing myself to think this is 'my last', that's too final.
So then Monday came. Suddenly it flooded over me and I realized I only had about, hmmm 60 hours to do it all! whaaa! I called my mom a couple of times, being overwhelmed and close to tears several times. I just needed her and she wasn't there to help me pack my stuff. Gah was I frustrated with all the things I had accumulated and how in the world would I ever get it all together. I felt like I needed a U-HAUL rather than being such an extreme minimalist. I needed to place it all in the right places (Canada storage or Netherlands suitcase) and try to make it all fit and remember where I had placed it. It was so daunting that at one point that Monday I just quit, left it the way it was and went out for coffee with a friend. Thankfully I could sleep over at my friends' place (Thanks for the hospitality Megan and Rhys!!!!) and didn't need to think about where to sleep. As you can see - the bed was not something I could sleep on!

accomplished. this is all I took to NL.

there it was. all finalized.... an empty room :(

Somehow, through the emotional chaos I called my mind and ridiculous mess I called my room, I was able to persevere. Many questions zoomed through my head. The why, how, where, and what in the world am I doing swirled through my mind many times. Especially those last two days I wondered if I made the right decision. Somehow I got it all together. Four large Rubbermaid containers are stored at friends'. Thank you Brooke and Jon! Someone took over my furniture so I could just leave that in my old room. Thank you for taking  my wardrobe at the last second and also helping out with moving it, Buist family! I hope moving it into your place was easier than moving it out of my place. 

The rest of my things was in a massive personal bag, a carry-on, and 2 suitcases.

That's it. Let it all go and just get on that plane.

There goes nothing.. There goes all. 

Starting a new chapter.... Terrifying and exhilarating. 

ADVENTURE AWAITS

As I finish up this school year and wrap up many things it also includes writing report cards. It's a busy time of year, especially when 2 weeks after school is done I will be moving. Yesterday I spent some time at my friend's house - we were both plowing away at eport cards and we drank her famous high cocoa - reminding us of the days we lived together. Ah, and then she gave it to me in this mug - ADVENTURE AWAITS.

BUT FIRST, get rid of stuff. Stuff. It can be so burdensome to have so many things. Over the last 6 years I have moved many times, twice a year usually. The house I live in now has been 'home' for the last 16 months, the longest home in years. When you move so frequently you just start holding on to less stuff. Still there are those knickknacks, the little gifts from students, mail you receive, things to keep. I think I kind of inherited the 'save it for a rainy day' mentality which is handy when you never move. Not when you always move, not when your life has to fit into 2 suitcases to take along and a couple of totes to put in storage. So purging it is. 

As ENGLISH student in university you can expect to collect books, a lot of books over the years. Even after university I kept collecting books. I love books! I didn't start enjoying reading until fourth grade or so; since then I have not stopped reading (except during the summer after graduating university!). When I moved to this house I had 3 apple boxes full. For about two years I haven't opened most of the books I already owned, so do I keep them? Toss them? Donate them?

If you're interested in a book, I may just have it on a shelf, on a stack, or in a box. Just ask!
My plan: limit my collection one small box.

I don't want a U-HAUL for my stuff. It's gonna be whatever I can manage and haul, after that no more. No U-HAUL with extra storage space in the granny's attic above the cab but I-HAUL with limited storage. And really, why not? I have been following this family on social media - they sold everything they owned and except for 2 suitcases total - and they now travel the world. They are an inspiration because of their minimalism lifestyle. I see that and think "why am I so attached to that piece of ribbon or that book, that t-shirt or that pencil?" I have been trying to apply Peter Walsh's saying "Love what you have. Have what you need. Be happier with less." It is amazing how freeing it is to get rid off things that are in your life, that sometimes go unnoticed, and sometimes are just in the way. Often I share my things with others around me. An item that once was a staple in my closet or cupboard becomes someone else's - for them to enjoy. An itchy tag in a shirt is annoying or always tugging a sweater this way or that, is it really worth keeping? A pair of jeans that has been on the bottom of the stack for months, why does it just sit there?

All this earthly stuff, I don't want to hold on to it. God recommends we "store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.…"  (Matthew 6:19)

This whole DECLUTTER thing is an adventure in itself. A trip down memory lane each time... An item that brings you back to years gone by... A reminder of laughter and tears... An adventure as you decide what stays and what goes, what is important and what isn't...

Ah isn't every day in life an adventure? Just take it as it comes and dive in.
Take opportunities as they come. Go on adventures. Just don't take extra luggage. It weighs you down. 

"Put every hindrance aside and run..." (Hebrews 12:1)

Canada

My first - ever - patriotic photo. May 2017

Canada celebrates its 150th birthday this year. 150 years, that's a long time! Of those 150 years I have been here just over 12.5 years. My family moved to Alberta in November of 2004. Let's just say it was a rocky road when we started out, there in the western prairie province. Kind of like the gravel road we lived on, especially after weeks of rain, with washboards and massive potholes. Ah, looking back I see many people supporting us, patiently showing us what ground beef to buy on our first trip to the grocery store, or gently correcting us when we said learn instead of study, or missed some other technicality in our sentence structure. I know that still happens and it probably always will.
Those first weeks and months were awful. Filled with tears, MSN chats, and snail mail from the homeland.
We missed the bus on purpose, or would call home saying we were sick - just to avoid school. It was awful reading kindergarten level books when we were in middle school, and having to listen to audio stories on cassette at the back of the classroom while the class read The Outsiders...
Then I went to high school, and college, and worked for a year, and then I entered university. Studied English Lit and Psych and graduated after also doing my Bachelor of Education. Now I teach. It's lovely, it's rough, it's challenging and so very motivating.

All those years I thought about it, thought about moving back to the Netherlands. It's not that Canada isn't a good place to live. I love the opportunities Canada has given me, love the language I have learned, cherish the friendships I have, and am so very thankful for my life here. A while ago someone asked me "what did we do wrong, that we can't keep you here? Is it the language we speak, the clothes we wear, the weird things we say, or the people?" Ah, he was only kidding, I think...


Canada - it's nothing you have or haven't offered. People - it's nothing you have or haven't done. Friends - it's nothing you did or didn't do. Family - it's not the choices you have or haven't made. It's just me taking this step in faith, because I can and get to do this at this time.


You may wonder what this step is, if you haven't heard yet via some other form of social media, from me in person, or from someone else. I have been sorting through things, purging, selling, giving away, and donating so many items. Still there is much more to do, to pack , and to get rid of because I just can't store all the little things. I don't want to store half my life here in Ontario (with a fragment of stuff still left at my parents' place in Alberta - that has just been sitting there for some years...). I don't want to store stuff and I can't take very much when I go.
Mid July I will be taking 2 suitcases and a carry-on across the pond. I am going to the Netherlands for a year.


Mainly because I have always wanted to and I can do so relatively easily with my Dutch citizenship. Second, because I am fully bilingual and I am a teacher - so why not use teaching and English in Holland to help others become more bilingual. Or better yet, share what I know so that they can also cross borders, move mountains, and reach other people groups through connecting with them using English...
Third, I am hoping to take some grad courses there, while I can. Why not continue the love of learning a nation that celebrates professional development and offers ample opportunity for young and old to do learn?!
Fourth, I am going to where I am called next, following God's lead in this all.

It will be an adventure. It will be a learning curve. It will be exciting. And yes, it is also slightly terrifying!

So off I go - to the Netherlands...
I will keep you posted

Paths on my Cheeks

Salty tears rolled down my cheeks, and I bowed down, in pain, screaming. I never knew so many drops could come from my eyes. Like a heavy rain storm, a constant flow of salt. It hurt. From the pit of my stomach they came. The bottom of my heart ached. It was all empty. Still the tears kept rolling, biting, falling. Deep, intense pain – intimate pain searing through my soul. I was alone. Alone in this world but surrounded by hundreds of people in the sky. We flew high, in the clouds. Somewhere above land and sea.

‘In the clouds’ sounds dreamy, fantastical and imaginary. Shouldn't it all be well and good up high, in the sky? I had always imagined it to be heavenly up there. Like a beautiful summer day, an embrace of warm rays. But not this time. Not when reality hit, when I realized it was a place so blank and cold. No one cared about my pain, that dagger through my chest - that void existing within. 

I’d never sat for that long in an enclosed space, never sat so unwillingly, never sat shaking like that. My bottom planted in a seat for hours on end. I watched a movie and another. Read this card and that. Tried to let the kind words of friend and family sink in. Their words came in and disappeared into thin air. It didn't register – and to be honest, I didn't care. I didn't want to know their love through simple expressions, experience their embrace through words, or feel the distance through meaningless statements. They would never know nor understand, so why should I pretend they did. They could not really care, not truly feel, not fully comprehend. Their words washed over me. Like a raging flood, an entanglement in the overflow.

How could this be real? How could I have been pulled from all I knew? How could I have been uprooted like that? People I loved dearly told me this was their decision. They said it would help us in the future. That this is where God was leading them. I had no choice – I just had to go along. I couldn't stay behind as minor. Had no say as defiant teenager. I wasn't willing, and yet I had to. There was no other option. When my parents left the only place I’d ever called home, I had to leave with them. Had to gather my bags, my boxes and my bins. I had to pack my life and place it in the large container. I had to leave because they wanted to. There was nothing I could do but go through the motions. Like an awful tornado, driven by the weighty winds. I had to keep moving, going where I was told.

I’d packed all my belongings and they were being shipped across the ocean. I’d said good-byes to my friends, my family, my people and they were staying put in the known. I’d let go off relationships I knew would never be the same, or be at all. There was no hope in me, no desire to keep going, no energy to carry on. All there was in me was bitterness, tears and grief. Grief was what I felt when I sat on that plane for nine long and torturous hours to Chicago. It was what I felt when lost and forsaken in that monstrous American airport. Grief was what I felt when flying the last leg of our life changing trip. It was what I felt when we were treated like criminals and sat on the floor of the immigration office for hours. Grief was what I felt when I was bombarded with questions in a language I didn’t speak. It was what I felt when I saw my luggage and knew I would not be going back. Grief was what I felt when I lay in a strange bed that long and lonely night. It was what I felt the next morning in a strange house with strange furniture and an odd smell. Grief overwhelms. Like a thunderstorm, a darkness engulfing.

My mourning state lasted for weeks. Weeks and months of cold winter and dark depression. Months of loneliness, and homesickness. My tears kept rolling, my heart so broken, my being so torn. I was transplanted, not just to another place in my known environment, but to a completely new and strange residence. Uprooted and placed into a new pot in a new greenhouse. I was transplanted and was told ‘Grow! You’re young! You've life ahead of you! You’ll adjust fast!’ Those words tore my soul, pierced my heart, and aggravated my being. How could anyone say such words to me, a young teenage girl, alone in a new world? How could anyone give me ridiculous advice to learn the language, to get acquainted with my surroundings, and make friends? As if! Seriously. Did anyone know what they were saying – did they really think it was something I could ‘just’ do. It doesn't just happen. I knew it would take work, much effort on my part, a backbreaking labour with much disappointment along the way. They said they understood and did not. They tried to comfort me and wounded me more. They gave advice and had no idea what they were saying. Like hail, ice-cold pellets piercing me. Each day those tears rolled, down the now paved paths on my cheeks forever stained with grief. The tears rolled down and down and burned my skin. The tears rolled fighting to empty my soul from the pain and bitterness that lived within.

The tears continued to flow but changed. The tears changed from mourning to dancing. I was uprooted to be planted in a new place. I had to tear down in order to start building. I had to let go in order to learn how to embrace. I was shown what to keep and what to throw away. I experienced darkness and hate in order to accept love. I fought war against everything and came to experience deep inner peace better than I ever imagined or have understood. I have never understood why my teenage years were so full of tears, so full of toil and snare. But those tears showed who I was and was becoming. It showed not just who I was as I transitioned through different seasons, but He who was and is and always will be.

Salty tears rolled down my cheeks, and I bowed down, in thanksgiving, singing Amen Hallelujah. 





my perspective from years ago. http://manythoughtsoncewritten.blogspot.ca/2010/07/about-me.html

en je paspoort dan?

Ieder uur, iedere stap brengt ons nader
Bij de grens van leven en dood
Heeft de Heiland uw paspoort getekend
Met Zijn bloed dat Hij reddend vergoot?

Nog is het tijd
De Heer heeft genâ
De toegang is vrij door Golgotha
Jezus ging voor
Hij wacht aan de grens
Is uw paspoort getekend,  o mens?

Gij kunt zelf  de tol niet betalen
Zilver en goud verliest daar zijn macht
Slechts het kruis in uw paspoort geeft toegang
Tot het land waar de Heiland u wacht

 Nog is het tijd
De Heer heeft genâ
De toegang is vrij door Golgotha
Jezus ging voor
Hij wacht aan de grens
Is uw paspoort getekend, o mens?

Het is nu het uur der beslissing
Ieder toont dan zijn ware gezicht
O, geloof in de Heiland Uw redder
En Hij voert  U naar ’t eeuwige licht

Slechts het kruis in uw paspoort geeft toegang
Tot het land waar de Heiland u wacht
Tot het land waar de Heiland u wacht

H.J. van der Veen