when thinking changes

When thinking changes...

I'll tell you one thing, when your thoughts change from one language to another it is involuntary. I cannot do anything about the change, I cannot make it happen and I cannot make it unhappen. Many people asked me when I first moved here if I thought in English or in Dutch - and asked when that would change. I couldn't predict when it would change and couldn't decide how fast it would change. When I was in Dutch conversations those first weeks I could feel the energy being sucked out of me, it took so much more effort to speak Dutch... I got tired after being awake for a few hours and noticed that I often stumbled over the simplest sentences and words. I noticed that I would change to English when I was tired, when I struggled to find words, or when it was a little bit of a sensitive/emotional topic. I noticed that I would change to English when I would get frustrated with situations at the bank or in the shops. I would switch to English when I had to ask for directions or a silly question that I felt would appear lame if I asked it in Dutch.

Then, suddenly, 2 weeks ago, I woke up in the morning and said my 'to-do' list for that day to myself in Dutch!

Say what?!!!

Thriftshop finds. Uncle Tom's cabin, an edition like we had in my
elementary school and Lewis Carroll's work. Two books in
languages dear to my heart.  

I know.

It shocked me too. I don't know how it happened but it seriously is kind of freaky. Now I notice myself having to think more about English, having to be more conscious and intentional about choosing English. When I read Dutch in those first weeks in the Netherlands it was very difficult and time consuming. It is fun to be able to read Dutch newspapers and get what they ware saying, read a novel in a relatively normal amount of time and mostly understand what is being said. What I really enjoy about learning or relearning Dutch is that I get to quickly advance from a 13-year-old vocabulary (that's when I moved away) and learn many difficult and less difficult new words. The difference between similar words is sometimes very small but you gotta know when to use what word and in what context. I have fantastic people around me who correct me and tell me why it was used incorrectly.

So people, within a month my thinking has completely changed from English to Dutch in day to day life. I can easily switch back to English too, and don't have to make that conscious decision. One of my co-workers, who also teaches English, addressed me in English and I immediately switched to that language.

Bilingualism is freaky, exciting, and an adventure in itself.

Meanwhile, I keep reading English and Dutch.

And, while I teach English I speak English 85% of the time. Poor grade 7s and 8s, so many of them have no clue what is going on. But they will get there, immersion is the best way to mastery!

This summer I have spent so many hours reading books.
Don't take it away from me! 

segments

view from my porch in Hamilton

July 1999, a week before my eighth birthday our family moved to Heteren.
November 2004, four months after my thirteenth birthday our branch of the van Iperen tree emigrated to Lacombe, Canada.
August 2011, seven weeks past my twentieth birthday I gathered my things and drove to Ontario to live there.
July 2017, five days after my 26th birthday I once again packed up my life and moved across the Atlantic to the Netherlands.

D-Move. flying the higher of heights...

Above you see 4 time frames of my life. They're just short segments, periods of time in different locations in the world. No place has been my home for longer than 8 years. During my undergrad I lived in places for a maximum of 8 short months. Last summer, after living downtown Hamilton for about 7 months I decided it was time to put up some picture frames... It felt too permanent to put them up, because it had been so long since I had to put pictures up... After I put the pictures up I knew I had already started thinking about the next chapter, about the possibility of moving across the world. I had been in the Netherlands in August, and it was then that I started seriously considering not only moving schools and grade level but continents... I had no idea that in June that would actually become reality - I ended my CCS career as grade school teacher. I will be starting a new chapter as teacher to the first 2 years of high school in the Netherlands - middle school in Canada... Yep. Changing chapters...

2 chapters ended quite abruptly. Teaching grade
school and teaching at Cambridge Christian.

Perhaps chapters is a better word than segments. Less disjunctive and more connected - more part of a whole story. This chapter is quite exciting, it's new and fresh but boy is there ever a lot of chaos. I can't believe how much paper work I have to organize in order to make life happen here. There was the cancellation of insurance and things in Canada before I left. I had visits with people at the bank to figure out Canadian banking, called the CRA and other businessy agencies.... If didn't know this yet, I hate paperwork, money stuff, and anything adminstration related.  (My sister asked me, just after I started teaching, why I started teaching. 'Don't you know you hate paperwork? Why would you choose a paperwork job?!' :o Her question left me somewhat dumbfounded, speechless. I had no idea. I certainly didn't pick education for the many paperworky/administrative aspects.)
Finally I had it all finalized in Canada. Including some travel insurance; well, I finalized that just hours before the plane departed - I know, I was slow with that - but at least I had travel insurance.

all the paperworky things arrived at once...

Then the whole thing started here. A new chapter, a new country, a new HUGE stack of paperwork. From banking to registering myself in the city, to figuring out how long my drivers licence will be valid (PTL I have 5.5 months left to figure that one out, it's valid 6 months you see...), to memorizing my new address and phone number. Well, I've got Dutch bank account now, am registered in the city, and even know the address I live at.. But, now to get money onto the bank account - you'd think in a time of internet banking transferring money from nation to nation would be a piece of cake. It's dry bread, team. In fact, it is next to impossible. And no one seems to know what they're talking about - they haven't a clue how to do it, and they're the people who work at the bank. Surely I am not the first who wants to make a transfer from North America to Europe....!?

99% of my university paperworky things, recycled.
happy picking, garbage person... 

How do they not know how to do something as simple as transferring money from nation to nation while I have just transferred my entire life across the pond. I am not saying that was easy, not at all, but it sure feels much more difficult that digitally moving currency from one place to the next. I had been working towards moving for months. I didn't just decide a week before the 12th of July that I would be moving then. Since April I started getting rid of stuff. Ask my roommates, they know that I was constantly adding to our 'thrift pile' and made many trips to a variety of second-hand stores.

thrift pile... 1 of 10 probably... 

 Many people enthusiastically responded to my 'ads' that I was getting rid of stuff. Minutes after I posted things that were in need of a new home the new home was volunteered. The community around me took things from me from small things like sticky notes and paper clips to large things like an entire wardrobe or much needed fan. (Life in Ontario without AC is pretty hot, so a fan is a must!) I couldn't believe how quickly things were claimed. Every time I shared new things to get rid off they were taken. THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR TAKING MY STUFF! I don't want to call it junk, because it wasn't really junk, but when you need to purge, purge, purge, because you can't just store, store, store it sure feels like junk.

nope. I ain't getting a U-HAUL, but my I feel like I need it... 

Even after the many many items were brought away, I still was left with so much stuff... 

how will I ever fit all this stuff into 4 bins and 2 suitcases?

I had 2 weeks between my work at CCS wrapped up and my flight to the Netherlands. At the beginning of those two weeks I met up with a lot of friends in ON; spend time relaxing and allowed myself to just be. I ventured all over the place and was pretty busy. Suddenly there were only 5 days left and I found out I had so much to do still! But I had a wedding to go to that Saturday and another day would be lost. I celebrated my birthday on the Sunday and that was lovely. Ah, friends, you were good to me! I cherish memories of last hang-outs and many before that too... I lived those last few days in Ontario like I had been always before, just enjoying it. One friend asked me how my last Sunday was, and I said, just like every other Sunday. I am not allowing myself to think this is 'my last', that's too final.
So then Monday came. Suddenly it flooded over me and I realized I only had about, hmmm 60 hours to do it all! whaaa! I called my mom a couple of times, being overwhelmed and close to tears several times. I just needed her and she wasn't there to help me pack my stuff. Gah was I frustrated with all the things I had accumulated and how in the world would I ever get it all together. I felt like I needed a U-HAUL rather than being such an extreme minimalist. I needed to place it all in the right places (Canada storage or Netherlands suitcase) and try to make it all fit and remember where I had placed it. It was so daunting that at one point that Monday I just quit, left it the way it was and went out for coffee with a friend. Thankfully I could sleep over at my friends' place (Thanks for the hospitality Megan and Rhys!!!!) and didn't need to think about where to sleep. As you can see - the bed was not something I could sleep on!

accomplished. this is all I took to NL.

there it was. all finalized.... an empty room :(

Somehow, through the emotional chaos I called my mind and ridiculous mess I called my room, I was able to persevere. Many questions zoomed through my head. The why, how, where, and what in the world am I doing swirled through my mind many times. Especially those last two days I wondered if I made the right decision. Somehow I got it all together. Four large Rubbermaid containers are stored at friends'. Thank you Brooke and Jon! Someone took over my furniture so I could just leave that in my old room. Thank you for taking  my wardrobe at the last second and also helping out with moving it, Buist family! I hope moving it into your place was easier than moving it out of my place. 

The rest of my things was in a massive personal bag, a carry-on, and 2 suitcases.

That's it. Let it all go and just get on that plane.

There goes nothing.. There goes all. 

Starting a new chapter.... Terrifying and exhilarating.